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Carollaisms

2020.03.24 16:05 Texas1971 Carollaisms

Haven’t updated in awhile, but here’s some “light reading” for everyone while we’re locked in. These just crack me up. Enjoy, stay safe and wash up. 🧼 GETITON

Band Names/Rap Stars

Mitt Romney and the One Percenters (ACS)
ManAyz - Rap star (LL)
D'Bagz - Rap star (LL)
Maxi Pad - An all-girl band that knows how to rock (LL)
Dick Tingle - One of the best blues men in the business (Show?)
Lynette and the Lackeys (ACS)
Straw Hat and the Bowties - Jerry Springer's dixieland band who plays at the Knott's Berry Farm Good Time Theater (ACS)
Gut Fluffer (ACS)
Johnny Beaumont and The Legionnaires - All wear matching powder blue tuxedoes (ACS)
Automatic Vaginismus – Great band name (LL)
Dissuade/D’ Suede - Rappeproducer of Kanye/one of Kim's ex beaus (ACS)
Starchy Deuce - Band that should be produced by D' Suede (ACS)
Narthex - (ACS)
Epileptic Declawed Hamster - That is a helluva punk band right there (ACS)
Loretta Lynch - Country singer who sang "Stand By Your Man" (ACS)
The Areolas - Covered an Eagles song in the ‘90s (ACS)
Fleece and Flannel - One of the best lesbian acoustic duos you will ever see (ACS)
3 Chainz - Rap star (ACS)
Blues Squatter - Adam's dad’s band name (ACS)
Tampon Kayak - One of Seattle's greatest, but least heard of indie bands (ACS)
Jizz Grenade (LL)
Dryer Fire - Hot indie band name (ACS)
Iranian Revolutionary Guard - Prince's backup band (ACS)
Rape Kit - Name of Adam's band from high school (ACS)
Nog Bong - A band Adam was in in high school (ACS)
Bum Blazer – Adam’s band in high school (ACS)
White Trash Kimchi - Another good band name (Bald Bryan) (ACS)
White Noise - Adam's rap name (ADS)
Promethazine - Lil Wayne's sister (ADS)
Light Rail - Great Rap name (ADS)
Danny In The Joint - Good indie band name (ACS)
Anal Cleft - One of the worst reggae singers to leave Jamaica (ACS)
Anal Cleft and the Taints - Great reggae group (ACS)
MEL-ROL - One of The Spice Girls (AOTH)
D'bris - Great Rap name (ACS)
Cisgender - A militant female rapper....for the ladies (ACS)
Krav Maga (1) - Country singing Jew (ACS)
Lynette and Paulette - Sounds like a singing duo from the 60's (RD)
Nuts In The Sink - Name of Ray’s new band (Ray) (AOTH)
SubDude - Pete Holmes' rap name (ACS)
Ray And The Enemas - Blues singer and his backup band (ADS)
Yakov Crutchfield - He has a show in Branson (ADS)
Mac 18 - Adam’s favorite rapper (RD)
Tremble Lean – Adam’s rap name (ACBSL)
Sticker Back – Worst band out of Canada ever (ACS)
Pennywise and Pound Foolish - A band from the ‘90's (RD)
Strawberry Shortcake's Neti Pot - Great band name (Twitter)
Puffy Elon Musk - Worst rapper ever (ACS)
Pantera Club at Laguna Seca (Twitter)
Savage Body Attack - New wave romantic band Ace was in when he was 19 (FBL)
Jumping Jazzy Jews - Jeff Goldblum's jazz band (ACS)
Snore Cherry - Great band name (ACS)
Pat Benatard - Pat Benatar cover band (ACS)
Rancid Nuts - Good band name (ACS)
Gary And The Knotholes - Good band name (AOTH)
Tampon Canoe - Good indie band (ACS)
One Erection - A good boy band (ACS)
Flushin' Dew - A good country duo (ACS)
Armo Jeweler - Great band name (RD)
Radon - (Lynette thinks) there a Whitesnake cover-band (ACS)
The Taste Of Ace - Great band name (ACS)
King Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)
Concord Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)
Gary Taco - Love that band (ACS)
The Silence Breakers (2) - Good punk band (Gina) (ACS)
Daddy’s Got A Dually – Good country song (ACS)
Dip Curtain - Good indie band (ACS)
Crystal Lobbyists - Sounds like a great techno band (ACS)
Narcissistic Monk -Great indie band (GS)
Sporty Prius - Worst of the Spice Girls (ACS)
Laden and Bravado - 70s duo who opened for Seals n Crofts (ACS)
The Bouncers - great band name (ACS)
Hurry up and make sense (1) - a good talking heads album (ACS)
Appropriate Sombrero - Maxapada’s next band name (Bryan) (ACS)
Flirtatious Contrail - great rap name (GS)
Jack Johnson - Guy from The White Stripes aka The Black Stripes (ACS)
Sophistry - A great Carol King album (ADS)

Song Titles

Meatless Mondays - Horrible Bangles song (Show?)
Measles and Commuter Trains - Worst Christmas song ever (ACS)
White Guys Be Ownin' Everything - Adam's next hit (ACS)
Blood On The Grout - John Cougar Mellencamp song (ACS)
No Blood In The Peckeroo - Good John Cougar song (ACS)
Mellen's Gold - A three disc box set of nothing but John Cougar Mellencamp hits (ACS)
Freaks, Retards and Jews - Not a Cher song (ACS)
Pedophile Cops - Good Cheap Trick song (ACS)
Pig Anus Soup - Favorite Rolling Stones album (Bryan) (ACS)
That Dog Don’t Mess With Olga and Natalia Don’t Spit No Mo’ - Sounds like a Mississippi Delta blues song (Bryan) (ACS)
Goggles Are For Pussies - Trace Adkins' number one hit (ACAFBSL)
Whistle While You Masturbate - The lost Disney song aka "Whistle While You Jerk" (ACS)
12 Pack & Dick's Hard - Name of Adam's new album (Gina) (ACS)
Blood and Soil - A good Smithereens song (ACS)
Pina Colada in Amsterdam - Worst Jimmy Buffet song ever (ACS)
Tough Times In The City - Great Nick Gilder song (ACS)
I've Got A Hamster In My Scrotum And He's Looking For His Keys - That's a good country song (ACS)
Gay Hitler -Great Elvis Costello song (ACS)
Tard On The Tool Shed - Good Mellenamp song (AOTH)
Condo in Redondo - Sublime song (ADS)
Animoji - Band that sung "Obsession" (ACS)
People Who Have Lost People - Worst Barbara Streisand song ever (ACS)
Tilted Heart - Great Tammy Wynette song (ADS)
Yoga wood - Great Beatles song (ACS)
Anal cleft - Song from the Sound of Music (ACS)
Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)
I’ve got a Saturday and two friends - great country song (Gina) (ACS)
Recipe for Misery (2) - Title of the next Guns N Roses album (ACS)
Circling Back To Baldwin - Good name for a country song (ACS)
Keistered in Winnipeg - (Bald’s) favorite Willie Nelson song (ACS)
Anal ipecac - Good indie band (ACS)
2 Tits and a Pulse - Ace likes that Beck song (Bryan/Adam) (ACS)

Football Players/Athletes/Teams:

Legs Akimbo - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Feral Katz - Nose Tackle (ACS)
L' Brarian Booker - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Oscar Buzz - Linebacker (ACS)
DeVigorous Lover - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Nadir Zenith - Placekicker (ACS)
DeGluten Free - Offensive Lineman (ACS)
Tangy Mango - Fullback (ACS)
N'Farious Plan - (position?) (ACS)
Modular Holmes - (position?) (ACS)
Fortuitous Bounce - Safety (ACS)
Operatin' Thetan - (ACS) Quarterback for the Washington Redskins (ACS)
Minority Banks - HOF OLB who died tragically in a car wreck shortly after his HOF induction, a natural athlete, he played option QB in college along with being a stand out member of the track team, and in high school he was captain of the basketball team. Survived by his twin brother Majority Banks, who also played in the league, and daughter Recuser Banks who many believe was the best athlete in the family (ACS)
Coach Platitude - "Take a knee son...helmet's not a chair" (ACS)
Glendora Bevmo - Mother of DeVigorous Lover and L' Brarian Booker (different fathers, of course) (ACS)
Marshall Law - (Allison) (ACS)
Orlando Ceeworld - (position?) (ACS)
Du Vatine - (position?) (Show?)
Raja Slate - Super fast wide-out out of Marshall via LSU (AOTH)
Moe Greene - Great corner for the Washington Redskins in the 80’s (ACS)
Bronx Defenders - Sounds like a AAA hockey team (RD)
Medical Error - Slipped in the draft due to a video being released just prior (ACS)
Homeo Stasis (position?) (ACS)
Capybara - The greatest name for a major league skipper (ACS)
Ejaxico Johnson (position?) (ACS)
Radiant Barrier vs. Attic Fan - The worst WWE matchup ever to grace the stage (AOTH)
Bamboo Brick - one of the greatest mixed martial artists on the planet (AOTH)
Dexter Methorphan - He did not participate in the combines, but his coaches say he can run a 4.3 (Twitter)
Bob Jacuzzi - Great point guard for the Celtics aka "THE COOZE" (ACS)
Shame Negation - Picked to leave Clemson early and go very early in the draft this year. (ADS)
Entertainment Crackers - Another name for the Washington Generals ACS
Hardibacker - Good name for an inside backer (ACS)
Osmosis - Black dude. Forward for the Knicks who might or might not have been traded (ADS)
Onus Wilson - NFL draftee (ACS)
World Be Mine - Adam’s new basketball name (ACS)
LBJ - Worst Mexican wrestler name ever (ADS)
Cold stone Steve Austin - Can’t wrestle on hot days. Tag team partners with the Klondike twins (GS)
Cicely Tyson - Greatest Italian boxer of all time. (ADS)

Porn Star Names/Terms/Gay Code:

Spoodini - (LL)
Rocky Stucco - (AOTH)
No Can Doo - Backdoor anal queen of China (ACS)
Kristallnacht - Worst porn star name in the business (ACS)
Madison Avenue (I am Rappaport Podcast)
Hero Du Jour (I am Rappaport Podcast)
Kindle Fire (ACS)
Jackson Hole - Gay porn actor (ACS)
Col. Duke Lacrosse - Adam's porn name (LL)
Duke Circumference - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Rich Data - Gay porn actor (Show?)
Tom Foolery - Gay porn actor (Show?)
Honey Dijon - Great porn star name (Show?)
Aids Machete - One of Adam's gay porn names. "Very short stint, I only did 2 weeks with that name, so it was like 41 movies." (ACS)
Bryce Canyon - Great gay porn name (ACS)
The Italian Coastguard - A gay move. "Let me just start with basic anal, then I'll slide into the Italian Coast Guard." (ACS)
Tetanus Gym - Good gay porn name "Who you working with?" "Tetanus Gym." "Oh boy, make sure you're on top" (ACS)
Shared A Back Fence - gay slang (ACS)
Mea Culpa - Adam's porn name (ACS)
Hand Twins - Gay code (ACS)
Backscatter - Porn technology (PM)
Cajun Tree Climber - Gay code (AOTH)
Snow Blower- Gay code (AOTH)
Stump Grinder - Gay code (AOTH)
Tumbler And Coaster - Adam's gay slang replacement for "top and bottom" (PM)
Go For A Bike Ride - Gay code (ACS)
Artie Fartie - Adam's porn name from the 80's (ACS)
Road Island Ray - Ray's porn name (AOTH)
38KKK -A type of porn that comes out of Kentucky (ACS)
Tech Screw - A dirty website for geeks (ACS)
Bearvalanche - Worst gay move ever (ACS)
Wacked Off Pieces Of Cactus - Gay code for gay rough trade (ACS)
Brad Nail - Good gay porn name (ADS)
Lightning Rod - Good gay porn name for Milo Yiannopplous (ADS)
Milk Barn - Another name for Adam's bathroom sink (ACS)
Meat Thievery - That's just good gay code (ACS)
Hairy Shin - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Asian Persuasion - Sounds like a good name for a porn series Asian persuasion 16 (ACS)
Cock Holster - Good movie series, cock holster 14 (ACS)
Celebrity Du Jour - Great porn name (ACS)
Europol - Another great porn name (ACS)
Roy Wood - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Tank slapper - Gay slang (Gina) (ACS)
Porch Pirate - Gay term (ACS)
Mad Chuck - The world's worst name for a gay porn star (AOTH)
Sweat lodge - Gay code (ACS)
The L.A. Underground - Sounds like a gay bar (M&J)
Skin and grin - Gay slang (ACS)
Rear Admiral - The name of one of the best bars on west side (ACS)
Loaded for bear - Now a gay term (GS)
Fruit Of The Year - A porn Dave (Dameshek) starred in (ACS)
The Lebanese Comedian - Ace's favorite sex position (ACS)
Cockout - When a gay guy doesn't try very hard (ACS)
Margana Wood - Porn name (ACS)
Hugh Bris - Porn star (RD)
Matte Clear - Fondalier’s gay porn name (AOTH)
Palatial Estates – A good 80’s fake tittie porn name (AOTH)
Cokie Roberts - Great porn name (ACS)
Armenian Christmas - An unspeakable sexual act in prison. "Johnny ratted out the white supremacists to the warden, so they gave him an Armenian Christmas" (Show?)
Ride The Pine - Gay slang (ADS)
Meet Gaze - Gay slang (ACS)
Asshole Rider - Gay slang (ACS)
Cash Widedick - Ace's porn name if you can call an apple a honey crisp. (ACS)
Shanda Lear - Great stripper name (Gina) (ACS)
Fiery Cherry - Good porn name (ACS)
Jerk the wheel - Code for masturbation (ACS)
Giddyup Titties - Gina’s porn name (Gina) (ACS)
French astronaut - Great gay slang (ACS)
Mr Bandera - gay code (ACS)
Beefmato/Clamato - sounds like names of venerial diseases (ACS)
Spanner - Australian gay code (ACS)
Rocky tenure - Adam’s gay porn name (ACS)
The End Game - One of Stormy Daniels movie titles (RD)
Room for cream - Great porno title (Gina) (ACS)
Pedialyte shower - Worst sexual act ever (Sklar) (ACS)
Foot Zunki - Add-on to the Pedialyte shower (ACS)
Self rimming sink - gay slang (AOTH)
Harvey Mudd - gay bar drink where vermouth and bartender shit is mixed in a goblet (ACS)
Barney’s Beanery - ultimate name for a gay bar (ACS)
Parallel park both ways - euphemism for being bi (GS)
The Big Three - Gerago’s junk (RD)
73 - When a fat guy tries to 69 with a chubby prostitute he met at a ham radio convention(ACS)
Backlog - Stormy Daniels movie title (Bryan)(ACS)
Madison Bear - Sounds like an dating app for gay hairy dudes who are married (ACS)
Back pay - Good porn title name (ACS)

Miscellaneous People

Trajectory Hagar - High school kid "heading down the wrong path" in life (ACS)
Slick Mouth - Adam's prison name (ACS)
Rich Carless - Cool homeless guy name (ACS)
Keyless Chuck - Best homeless guy name (ACS)
Nasal Ranger - Worst superhero name ever (Gina) (ACS)
Krav Maga (2) - Good name for a sheriff (ADS)
Hubcap Annie - Horror that hangs out with Keyless Chuck (ACS)
Becky Honkington (Allison) (ACS)
Monica Chugscock - (Pronounced "Shuggscawk") (ADS)
Tyvek DuPont - Best rich guy’s name (AOTH)
Mattress - A Model/actress (ACS)
Hofmeister Kink - Nazi war criminal who's been in hiding in Brazil for the past 61 years. aka Jake Johnson (ACS)
Serpiginous - The world's wimpiest swordsman. Sir Piginous of Wussville (LL)
Chick Fil a - Great play-by-play guy for the Warriors from the 70’s (Show?)
Peri Menopausal - Best P.I. working the Chicago beat (LL)
Whiskey Dick - The neighborhood pedophile in the clown outfit (ACS)
Surge - Guy that drives for ÜBER (ACS)
Babbling Brook - Great name for a female cattle auctioneer (PM)
Terra Firma - Name of the "woman of color" that heckled Adam at a Ventura live show and was removed by force (The Ranker Podcast)
Octomom - Great Batman villain (Bryan) (ACS)
Larry The Cabinet Guy - Failed Israeli comic…"Don't get 'er done!" (ACS)
Rod Blagojevich - Joe Francis' slimy brother who sells above ground pools out of a primered van (ACS)
Cockchug Man - The gay superhero in The Village People that wears just all leather (ACS)
MEL-ROL- She's one of The Spice Girls (AOTH)
Hand Farts - A new comedian Adam had never heard of (ACS)
Juan Jeremy - The greatest international film star ever (ACS)
Bitchathane Jackson - Good name for a "sista" (ACS)
Tobar - Perfect caveman name (ACS)
Vroman - A fast moving Roman (ACS)
Korn Syrup and Fructose - Women of color who work at the strip club with Jade (stage 4) (ACS)
Fred Meyer - Lucy's neighbor (ACS)
Kimchi - The Asian flutist (ACS)
Pacoima - The mechanic from Taxi (ACS)
Dick Salt - NATO Alliance General (ACS)
Dick Salt (2) - Manger of the Mariners in the early 70’s (Bryan) (ACS)
Caramel And Fudge - Two more African-American prostitutes that lived in the apartment above Adam’s (ACS)
Peaches - The whore that lived upstairs (ACS)
F. Me Bailey - Greatest lawyer of all time (RD)
Agua Caliente - Loves that guy. He does a great John Madden (ACS)
Senior Penis - One the most dangerous drug lords to ever work (ADS)
Shill Du'Jour - Good Bond secretary name (RD)
Brexit Romero - Sounds like an International assassin (ACS)
Lugansk - That gay diver who hit his head and gave the whole Canadian team AIDS (ACS)
Leak O'rama - A Dutch action star, starred in “Sudden Death” (AOTH)
Vaginismus - Great black guy name (ADS)
Normcore - Guy that owns Westwood one (ACS)
LaTolstoy - Great black guy name (ACS)
Shapiro – Artist who is really good at anime. Died in the 60’s but was a real trendsetter (ACS)
Chuck Spears – Good name for a racist. “Hey you workin’ with Chuck Spears over at the Klan?” (ACS)
Norethindrone - DAG’s Sister (CLL)
La Tuskegee - Black airline pilot (ACS)
C-clamps – Nickname for Adam’s step-mom. “Ol’ C-clamps locked me out of the house again.” (ACS)
Harry Nilsson - (Gary thinks) he does the voices on The Simpsons (ADS)
Nutella - Great name for a crazy black woman (ACS)
Sia - The perfect person to break up with. Would be perfect if she was dating Jack (hit the road Jack) (ACS)
The Ball Catcher - What Adam used to call Ray's ass in junior high (ACFBSL)
MOAB - Matt's new nickname (Mother of All Buttholes) (AONTH)
Trip Reeb - Great name for a white guy (ACS)
Merle Horn - One of the greatest best ropers to ever come down the Pecos (ACS)
The Boring Machine - Lynette's name for Adam (ACS)
Avocado Hand - The nickname of Eric Clapton's brother (Chet) who works at a Mexican place and is charge of the guacamole (ACS)
Bagel Hand - Clapton's Jewish cousin (ACS)
Fa-Sheeya (fascia) - A heavy set woman of color that works at the DMV (ACAFBSL)
Ghrelin - New AM/PM mascot (ACS)
Krav Maga (3) - An Israeli Captain from 1946 (ACS)
Cuban Boa - Sounds like a dark skinned trannie (ACS)
Gabardine - She's a very chatty woman of color middle-aged and she'll talk your ear off. (ACS)
Guy Dudebro - Greatest name ever (AOTH)
Otto Warmbier- Simultaneously the greatest and worst beer master brewer name ever (ACS)
Leif Geragos - Greatest rocking attorney ever Viking rocker attorney (ACS)
Ernest J. Bigot - "I'm just asking....I'm just wanna know...." (ACS)
Panzanella - Cobra's full name (ACS)
Sheet Metal Nibbler - Great name for Matt the porcelain punisher (AOTH)
Big Grenadine - Sounds like a large black neighbor (ACS)
Silent gym - Next to Keyless Chuck, best homeless guy name ever (ACS)
Nuchilla - Sounds like a black vampire (Theo Von) (ACS)
D' poleon - Black Napoleon (ACS)
Luke Rockhold - Sounds like a character on The Flintstones (GS)
Sissy squat - She was hot (AOTH)
Beulah - The town horror (RD)
Ronan Farrow - One of the best wheel men in Europe (ACS)
Duke Bagg - Comedian Ian Bagg's brother (ACS)
Root Ball Grinder - A horrible term for a bitchy wife (Ruth Ballgrinder and Harriet Mulcher) (Tim Allen) (ACS)
Paul Funyun - Just a big dude who likes to have fun. Has a pink ox as a sidekick (ACS)
Page/Savage - A great lawyer team (Adam Ray) (ACS)
Ivar the Boneless - Ace’s dad’s nickname in high school. aka Jim the spineless (ACS)
Bash Worthy - Comic strip's character name/title (ACS)
Uncle Tom-bién - Mexican Uncle Tom (ACS)
Alist Poon - An Indian exchange student who has cerebral palsy (ACS)
Indignant Asswipes - Good name for an improv troupe (Gina) (ACS)
Flora in Fauna - two black chicks that work for him (ADS)
Cheap - Name of a he/she that literally went under sexual assignment surgery last month (ACS)
Heroin (1)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) A character in Lord Of The Rings (Bryan) (ACS)
Yersinia pestis - Ace did Celebrity Apprentice with that dude. He won that year (ADS)
Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)
Rachel Bias - Great stripper name (ACS)
Buzz Ramjet - Aviation attorney (ACS)
Black Cherry - Stripper name Bryan (ACS)
Saffron - Sassy black woman in Meg Whitman movie (ACS)
Vibranium - a new black kid name from Black Panther (ACS)
Bird Nerd - Marvel superhero (ACS)
Merch Galore - Worst Bond secretary ever. Total sellout. Always wearing her own swag (GS)
Bathroom Goalie - New code for fat chicks sitting next to you on an airplane (ACS)
Skip Loader -Kurt Loder’s older brother (ACS)
F. Me Money - greatest attorney rapper ever (RD)

Morning Zoos/DJ's/Radio Stations

Gum and Condoms - (Show?)
Dusty Labia - Adam's handle when he used to do AM Mornings. (ACS)
Asscrack and Backsack in the morning with Sludge (LL)
Crockpots and Headphones (ACS)
Booger and Floor Wax (ACS)
Almonds and Water (ACS)
Cold Butter And Calves (ADS)
Schluter And The Drain - Schluter has a thick Austrian accent , while "The Drain" has a super low voice (AOTH)
Ace Rockolla - Just Google "Ace Rockolla Lightning round...." (LL)
Fungus and Mold (Show?)
Stupid and Petty (Show?)
Eunice and Edgar - Bubba the Love Sponge's parents (ACS)
Flip Flops and Fanny Packs (ACS)
Hairy Shin - Does a KCRE show in the weekends (ACS)
Deep Bra Grooves - Should be a Sirius XM station Channel 248, C+ and above! (ACS)
Andy and Opie - Great Radio Show (ACS)
QuietRock - Sounds like an easy listening rock station (AOTH)
Quiet Crush - A good easy listening radio station (ACS)
The Tool Box - SiriusXM took tune station aka KTOL (ACS)
Ray's Enema Antics - New podcast on Carolla Digital (Bryan)(ACS)
Doug Gets Blown While He Eats Pudding - Doug Benson's next podcast (ACS)
Cat Packer - Used to do mornings with her brother, Fudge (ACS)
Duke and Shinola - good morning show team (ACS)
Mother Trucker - Adam’s Podcast with caller Miguel (AOTH)

Places

Boobville - (LL)
Pedoph Isle aka Pedophile Island - Island where are all the pedophiles are sent to live. (Also a TV show/movie idea) (LL)
Lil' Lord Fauntleroy’s Academy for Albino Hemophiliacs - Drew's childhood school (LL)
Doesntexistizcan - Where presidential candidate Platitude's grandfather was from (ACS)
Boga Raton - The world's worst resort spot (Show?)
Meat Yard - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
Mister Fister's - Adam's all-time top name for a gay bar (ACS)
Sub-Par - Worst name for a submarine sandwich shop (Show?)
Queen Mary - Great name for a tranny bar (ACS)
NuvaRing - A German racetrack. "The new Nissan GTR turned it in 7:21, faster than the Corvette." (Show?)
Louis Pasteur Middle School (ACS)
Helm’s Deep - World's first gay bar bakery (ACS)
Kal Penn - One of the best sounding names to get an engineering degree from (ACS)
Alaska State Motto - Love fishing but I hate your kids? Alaska! (PM)
Duke University - John Wayne's college (ACS)
Planned Possumhood - Planned Parenthood in Arkansas (ACS)
Fruit Stand - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
Poo Poo City - Where Charles Fletcher Loomis' house is located (ACS)
Blood Bank - Great name for a check cashing place in the hood (ACS)
Bass Manor - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
The Dead C - Sounds like the worst name for a lesbian bar ever (ACS)
Wood Bar - Good name for a gay bar (ACS)
Ghost Load - Ride at Calico Ghost Town (ADS)
Nasacort - Country club for Jewish folks where they play tennis at (ADS)
L.A. HOTT (1) - An 80's bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)
Fairy Wings - Good name for a bar on the west side (ACS)
Second Hand/First World - Store that sells rich whitey’s high end stuff (ACS)
The Lance Hunter - Perfect name for a gay bar (Dumb People Town)
Pervert Park - Theo Vaughn grew up there (ACS)
Big Sur - Great name for a big and tall shop (Show?)
Studio Centric - Sounds like a Utopia. Between Valley Village and Sherman Oaks (AOTH)
Asstard - Thor came from that planet (ACS)
Grand Entrance - Great name for a gay bar (AOTH)
Thermopolis - Where the Bun Boy is (ACS)
The Turkish Embassy - Gay bar (ACS)
Low Tide - Gay code for boner in the rear view mirror (ACS)
Corumption - On the way to Vegas, where Heidi Fleiss lives with her macaws (ACS)
C.C. Fichens - Sounds like a pretzel stand (Gina) (ACS)
Timpani Barn - where to get timpani to go, has three big Mexicans in the kitchen (ACS)
Heroin (2)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) The health food store in Venice (ACS)
Pocket Passers - Next to Mister Fister’s (Gina) (ACS)
The Mexican Faire - Worst fair ever (ACS)
Hanoi Hospice - Only place worse than the Hanoi Hilton (ACS)
Kaleblazer- Gay juice bar (ACS)
Hot Dog Cannon - good name for a bar next to The Abbey (ACS)
Dyskeratosis - where Vinnie lives, lots of Greek folks, a family oriented community (ACS)
Kind of, Italy - Where Ace’s family is from. Where he gets his kinky hair. (ADS)

Miscellaneous

Cleaning The Pink Turtle - Bryan's name for pleasuring oneself (ACS)
Analingus - A new type of breath mint (LL)
The Milk Of Arthritic Goats - A rabbi's curse: "May you suckle at the teet of the milk of arthritic goat!!!" (ACS)
Carbon Dating - A black dating website (ACS)
RU486 - Vanity plate for a guy who runs an abortion clinic (ADS)
Jet Green - Amsterdam's Airlines (ACS)
Stromer, Oldhafer and Carolla - World's worst law firm (AOTH)
Ira Carolla - Sounds like an affliction "Oh my Ira Carolla's acting up" (ACS)
Sawjay - Sounds French...gay word for sausage. "I was strokin' this dude’s sawjay" (ACS)
Smokeless Cigarette - Name for Dr. Drew's honker after his prostate surgery (ADS)
El Niño - Name of "Sinn" strip club DJ's cock (ACS)
Blue Man - Crazy hairdresser's macaw who doesn't judge (PM)
Lucia - An Italian moped (ACS)
American Jewish World Service - A van that's begging to be shot at (ACS)
E-aye? - Canadian version of EBay (ACS)
Sweatpants Lesbian - What Adam would be. An in-between lesbian. Not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke (ACS)
SuckStrong - Bill Clinton's bracelet (ACS)
Gaybus - Gay and bogus (ACS)
Flappy Bird - The most offensive name for the vagina (ACS)
G8 (Summit) - The Pontiac that Oprah gave away on her show (ACS)
Oracle A The Delphi - Big new startup company (ADS)
Crewkakke - A type of sweater (ACS)
The Flying Dutchman - Great name for an Amsterdam airlines (ACS)
Cleaning My Chain - Euphemism for beating off (ACS)
Awesome Town - A gathering of three or more polar bears (ACS)
Avocado - The Greek word for nut sack (ACS)
Doucherette - A gum/patch that douchebags chew/use (ACS)
Urban Milling -Black guys standing around (AOTH)
Synesthesia - When you eat your own hair (ACS)
Tuck Rule - When a guy pretends he's a chick and stands in front of the mirror (ACS)
My #2 Pencil Is Out Of Lead - Another term for erectile dysfunction (ACS)
Float A Bond - When a politician farts (RD)
Vaginismus - black people's holiday, accompanied with a lot of ceremonial garb (ADS)
Vaseline and Gauze - Elizabeth Taylor's new scent (ACS)
Jewber - A drunk on a 10-speed (ACS)
Chickpea - What Gina does when we camp (ACS)
Oscar Squad (2) - Bad gay code (ACS)
Airbus - Worst name for an aircraft. Sounds like “air donkey” (AOTH)
Shailene Woodley - Sounds like the most fantastical verb/adverb combo. “I want to Shailene Woodley through a field of poppies with you” (Gina) (Twitter)
Asshole Rider (2) - Worst piece of exercise equipment Vinnie’s ever endorsed (ACS)
Diario La Prensa - Stealer of the jersey in Spanish (ACS)
The Sicilian Fly Swatter - Sounds like a WWF move (Gina) (ACS)
Jellyfish - Sounds like something your grandpa would buy for you at the mall (ACS)
Fruit Fly - More politically correct term for fag hag (Show?)
Jewgling - When a Jew "Googles" their symptoms (ACS)
Tavares - David Wild's boner medicine (ACS)
Jew -Over - A mulligan from a barmitzva. "Uh, I misread that...can I get a Jew-over?" (ACS)
Ossified - That's a Don King word, there (ACS)
Zero for Cecil - Worst charity ever (Bald Bryan) (ACS)
A++ - A bra that Gina will never see (ACS)
Joycelyn - A good name for Curly from the Three Stooges to say (ACS)
Phallisee - Latin for "to see the penis" (ADS)
Coffee Nap - Euphemism for pooping in your pants (ACS)
USS Monitor - Doesn't sound like a ship of war, sounds like a night nurse (ACS)
Dotard - A skirt a man wears (ACS)
Wilding- Something derogatory that takes place in public pools in certain counties (ACS)
Caveat - Latin for shitting on Adam's point (ADS)
Festiva - Sounds like a boner medicine (ACS)
Depeche Mode - French for “who dealt it?” (ADS)
Beefy Clutch – The purse Gina thought Lady Gaga took to the Emmy’s (ACS)
Sig Sauer - Something you would yell at Oktoberfest before downing a stiff stein of stout (ACS)
Jeans day – Sounds like the special day for your special need son Gene, to raise money (ACS)
Wilding - What takes place in public pools in certain counties (GS)
4F - Can’t/won’t be eligible for the draft (ACS)
Groupie - a kind of fish (ACS)
The African chick - Horrible name for a boat (ACS)
Inclusion rider - Snowboard for retarded kids (ACS)
The Urethra - Bad name for a car (ACS)
Mercury retrograde - when you take your index finger and shove it under your sack before you blow, and you belch it up later (ACS)
UEFA - Transsexuals playing soccer with a balled up maxi pad (GS)
Missed Connections- The worst airline ever (ACS)
Carollo - Sounds like a Tool you’d use rarely (ACS)
Brembo - that Mexican food company that makes that bread (Matt) (ACS)
Preemptive gay strike - Worst video game ever (ADS)
Futon - Chinese for bear trap (ACS)
Sexual Battery - Batteries especially made for sexual devices. Somewhere between AA and C (ACS)

Food/Drinks

Deer Bits - A venison cereal. Made of frosted deer flakes (Show?)
Coco Chanel - Nestlé’s newest coffee flavor (ACS)
Honey Dicks - Best cereal name ever (ACS)
Dawson's Beard - A pudding flavor Ace saw at Whole Foods (ACS)
Mighty Mutts - Worst breakfast cereal ever (ADS)
Chillax - A cinnamon based drink from "Hector's" country (ACS)
Black Dick - An English desert (ACS)
Tardy Digression - Sounds like a finger food..."would you like another tardy digression?" "No, I'm saving room for the main meal" (IFYWABC)
Double Bird Strike - Mixed drink created by Ace and Teresa. Made with Grey Goose, Wild Turkey, a splash of Canadian Club, and a splash of Hudson River water (ACS)
GAYtorade - A sports drink for gay people, because they lose essential body fluids (ACS)
University of Illinois At Urbana Champaign - Sounds like a carbonated drink for black people (ACS)
Flinch Fuck - Part of a nutritious breakfast, and a healthy relationship (ADS)
Phantom Punch - Something Bill Cosby gave his lady friends (ACS)
Pansy Sauce - Goes good with some shrimp (ADS)
Tilted Pillar - Kick ass IPA (AOTH)
Shaver - A good name for a miniature pastrami sandwich (Cousin Sal Show)
GPA - Something they add to children's cereal (ACS)
Stellwell's - A new low fat snack cracker (ACS)
Conchata Ferrell - A great cheese/unwanted cat (ACS)
Poopwell's - One of the worst snacks Nabisco has ever put their name on (ACS)
Belldini – Latest Taco Bell offering (ACS)
Fuzzy Zoeller – Zima with a jigger of peach schnapps (ACS)
Millennial Malaise - A sweet honey dipping sauce (ADS)
Jelani Cobb - Sounds like an Indian dish (Gina) (ACS)
Air Doodle - The very worst Super Bowl snack on the planet (ACS)
Faygala - Jewish sports drink (ACS)
Stroke Cane - Sounds like some sugary treat, mixed with a reach around (ACS)
The Silence Breakers (2) - good name for a mint (ACS)
Lesbian Squirt - Sponsor of the Dinah Shore Classic (ACS)
Son of Goose - Worst vodka ever. Comes in a plastic squeeze bottle (ACS)
Orange Hitler - Worst Hi-C flavor ever (ACS)

TV Shows/Movies

Cunt du' Jour - A great Bond villain name (ACS)
Coffee and Donuts - (Charlie Coffee III and Johnny Donetti) Johnny's a tough street wise cop whose jive talking and plays by his own rules and Charlie's super uptight (LL)
Pedoph Isle (aka) Pedophile Island - All pedophiles are sent to live on an isolated island, and a 747 full of Boy Scouts crash lands there and they have to fight to survive (Also a place) (ACS)
Anus and Eyeball - Buddy cop TV show duo (ACS)
Pussy Pioneer - John Candy's last movie (ACS)
Red Velvet - Made up movie character Clown played by Paul Giamatti. "Was secret service, and someone died on his watch. Now he's takin to clownin'." Wears a red velvet clown outfit. (ACS)
Destination Of The Semen - (Adam Ray) A movie Harrison Ford passed on twice (ACS)
Gay Eye - Movie where Adam plays Buddy McKlan, a racist homophobic mechanic who is blinded in a freak hot transmission fluid accident. He gets the donor eyes from a gay guy who perished on a moped accident in Antigua. Co-starring Larry the Cable Guy as his best friend. (Co-written by Bryan Cranston) (ACS)
Grinders - Sitcom where Jon Gruden moves in with Johnny Manziel (ACS)
Squishy Red River - Movie that started John Wayne (Show?)
Gusset And Cable - Perfect Cop buddy duo team (AOTH)
Just One Of The Gays - Stars Shia LaBeouf (ACS)
Hard Impact - Sounds like a Van Damme movie from the 90's (ACS)
Hammer Pants And Ice - Worst cop detective duo from the 80's (ACS)
Living With The Kilowatts - Adam's new animated series where they just leave toaster ovens on all day (ACS)
Keep Calm And Rape A Lot - Worst Monty Python film ever (ACS)
Medical Mishaps - New show Dave Coulier and Tawny Kitaen could host (ACS)
Roaming With Bison - Another great Bill Murray movie (ACS)
Gainesville Florida Financial Planner - Sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit (ACS)
Blame the Bee Gees - Adam's next documentary (ACS)
Adam Knees Your Dad In The Nuts - Adam's new game show (ACS)
Navigeddon - Terrorists take over all of the GPS systems of cars, and send them careening into the Grand Canyon (ACS)
Rings Of Honor - Terrorists take over Olympic training facility in Colorado Springs, and the athletes have to use their individual skills to escape. (Cameo by Randy Couture as the salty old coach) (ACS)
Endless Time/Ample Time For Backup - Adam's new Netflix series (ACS)
Tarred n' Feathered - Buddy flick starring a retarded guy and an Indian chief (Show?)
Mr. Will Doo And Can Doo - PSA Motivational cartoon bathroom characters Will Doo (Played by Will Arnette) and Can Doo is shaped like a toilet. Filmed in kitschy Clutch Cargo style animation (ADS)
Robot Lawyer - Great Phil Hartman bit (ACS)
Umpire News Network - Adam's channel with umpires reporting. Unbiased reporting (ACS)
Sofa Tard - New CW show coming soon (Matt) (AOTH)
Junior Fantasy Island - Show where kids of reckless parents are shipped off to live with Bill Cosby and Felicia Rashad (ADS)
2 And A Half Denali's - Hasn't been same since Sheen left (ACS)
So Kanye - Sitcom from the 90's (ACS)
Ridicuopothy - Sounds like a Mike Judge movie (ADS)
Master Buck - One of John Candy's most controversial movies (ACS)
LA HOTT (1) - An 80’s bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)
Mother Hitler - Coming to TNT. Starring Patrick Swayze's bother, Don (ACS)
Sink and Bounce - Movie about roller boogie from the 80's, starred Lil' Bow Wow (ACS)
The Debs - A made up CW network show where you just put all the hot chicks in Hollywood (ACS)
The Origin Story Of AIDS - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan)(ACS)
Everybody Hates Vinnie - Horrible sitcom (ACS)
Chick Clan - Good movie title (ACS)
Condo in Redondo - Best movie I ever did (ADS)
Red Lobsteria - New show Dr. Drew was talking about where African Americans form their own country (ACS)
Earthquake rehab - Reality show Dr. drew seismic expert and a civil engineer come together (Rainn Wilson) (ACS)
Rooster Jones - Great John Wayne movie. Super Fly meets True Grit (ACS)
Ernest Bigot goes to..... (ACS)
Nickels On The Job - First and only Jewish gum shoe on the job. ABC, Friday nights, 10:00 p.m. (ADS)
Solicitor General - Great Danny Kaye movie (RD)
Disjointed - Lorena Bobbitt biopic (ADS)
Habib and Company - Horrible children's show (MS)
Bobby's Room - Howie Mandel animated project from the 90's (ACS)
Page/Savage - Great cop duo show from the ‘80’s (Adam Ray) (ACS)
Paper Asshole - Great Tatum O’Neal film (ACS)
L.A. HOTT (2) - Failed Steven Bochco series pilot (ACS)
Pieces Of String Too Small To Use - Lena Dunham film from the late 90’s (ACS)
Oscar Squad - New Marvel Movie (Gina) (ACS)
Cortron/Melamine - Transformers (Gina) (ACS)
Anoscope - Worst way to see a movie (ADS)
Practical Rapist - New SNL character (Gina) (ACS)
Superfoot - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan) (ACS)
Celebrity Food Chain - Would be a great show (Jeff Cesario) (ACS)
Backsack and Anus - Worst cop duo ever (RS)
Korean moyle - ABC’s next sitcom (Jeff) ACS
Nanny Huntin ‘with Ted Nugent - Great reality show I’d watch (ACS)
Progressive pope - New sitcom (Gina) ACS
Nick Mancuso: Construction Fluffer - New TV Show (AONT)
Rush Blitzer - Adam’s character from his movie, “Snapper” (BSR)
The Baldwin’s and Beyond -Great reality show (RD)
The Rogue Deuce - The next Star Wars movie (ADS)
Mr. Goodbar To The Rescue - Ace loves that movie (ACS)
Wrestling Squatters - New show on YouTube Red starring Eric Stromer (AOTH)

Books/Coffee Table Books

Dade County Black Prom, 1985 (ACS)
Here Are The Pajamas We Picture You In (ACS)
Three Shitty Homes, One Washing Machine, Zero Dryers - Title of Adam's new book (Ray) (AOTH)
Chapstick And Batteries - Title of Adam's next bestselling book (ACS)
Who The Fuck Put Their Sombrero on My Keys? – Title of Adam’s next book (ACS)
Cunt With A Grunt - Adam's favorite Dr. Seuss book (PM)
You'll Never See A Cockroach Jog (PM)
Kemo Skinny Calves - Adam's new children's book (ADS)
You're Dyslexic And I'm Dumb - Adam and John Popper's collaborative next book (ACS)
I Get It If You’re GWAR - Adam's next book (ACS)
Bulk Magazine - Costco magazine that Jimmy Kimmell graced the cover of twice (ACS)
Do You Have To Take Your Top Off To Dye Your Pubes, Drew? (LL)
Glamping With Moriah - Adam's new book (ACS)
From The Mouths of Babes (Hot Chicks Not Babies) (ACS)
(The) Sweet Spot - Adam's next book (Bryan) (ACS)
I Thought Things Would Be Better When I Was Rich (ACS)
Radio Station Kitchen (ACS)
Post-it Notes In Radio Station Kitchens (ACS)
Comedy Club Green Rooms And The Sofas That Were Not Made For Them (ACS)
Jethro, the Mexican Jew - A great children's book (Gina) (ACS)
Professor and the Construction Worker -The worst children's book ever (ACS)
Willie and the Weed - Good name for a children's book (ACS)
What Black People Think White People Complain About (ACS)
Everyone Eventually Becomes The Man (ACS)
Recipe for Misery (1) - Name Of Adam’s next book (ACS)
In Defense Of Black Face - Adam’s next book (ACS)
Hurry Up And Make Sense (2) - Biography title of the Talking Heads (ACS)

Native American Names

Chief Thunderbear (LL)
Dances With Cocks (ACS)
Dances With Lipstick (ACS)
Ol' Urethra Windows (ACS)
Oxnard - Indian name meaning the balls of a bull (ACS)

V/P Names

Absorbent Rag - Good name for T's V (ACS)
Hurt Locker - Another name for T's V (ACS)
Judge's Mansion - Another name for T's G
Cmarket.com - Another name for T's V (ACS)
City of Industry - Another name for T's V (ACS)
Dutch Mook - Another name for T's V (ACS)s V
No Safe Spaces - Great name for T's V (ACS)
Hobo Stove - Another name for A's V (ACS)
Sausage Grinder - Another name for A's V (ACS)
Dixville Notch - Another name for G's V (ACS)
Snake River Canyon - Another name for G's V (ACS)
Dakota Access Pipeline - Another name for G's V (ACS)
The Holidome - Another name for G’s V (ACS)
Discovery Bay - Great name for G's V (ACS)
B.O. Box - Great name for G's V (ACS)
Sea bag - Good name for G's V (ACS)
El Portal - Great name for G's V (ACS)
Harry Belafonte - Adam's name for his junk, if he were a woman (Show?)
Top Gear - Another name for Adam’s junk (ACS)
El Gordo/King Taco - Good name for G’s V (ACS)
Port of Karachi - Good name for G’s V (ACS)
submitted by Texas1971 to AdamCarolla [link] [comments]


2019.04.09 09:53 perlementhe ☄️☢️🛸 Reddit Dragula - S4E7: “Attack of the 50ft Queen” Part One 🛸☢️☄️

The screen is a blizzard of static accompanied by the menacing hum of white noise.
After a moment, the frenzied pixels dissolve into pitch black. A message appears on the screen:-
“Previously on Reddit's Dragula”
The text fades, leading to a rapidfire of sound bytes.
“THIS IS THE BATTLE OF THE BELLAS!”
“I'm a RuGirl now!”
“Warm tuna.”
“Aristo… Bella Esmerelda… you are the winners of this challenge!”
We catch a glimpse of the glamorously macabre pairing of Bella and Aristo, dressed head-to-toe in their finest white garments, as they dance the waltz in a chamber of cracked mirrors.
“Bianca Bibancos…”
We're aboard the MS PortiaBella where Bianca makes her grand return from hell. Smoke rises from the scorched train of her gown as she confidently descends the grand staircase to join the other ghouls.
“Portia Bella Mushroom...”
Portia makes a similar yet comparatively underwhelming entrance into the competition as she loudly insists upon her inclusion.
“ I am sorry my ghouls but you are up for extermination .”
Lightning flashes across the screen, taking us back to previous panels. One by one we see the worried and disappointed faces of Robyn, Princest, Diana, and Flashback Mary as they each await their final judgement.
“The judges would like to know which of your fallen competitors-”
We're treated to a vicious montage of the four queens meeting their violent ends.
“-truly deserves another shot at the Reddit Dragula crown.”
A scabbed hand bursts outwards through the cracked soil, the manicured tartan nails desperately clawing for their second chance.
The final shots of the montage are of chandeliers shaking as plaster falls from the ceiling. Cracks dance across the walls as the entire manor trembles from Tish's recent fall.
The feet of the grand piano slowly begin to lose their grip on the wooden floor. The heavy instrument slides across the crooked balcony, coming to a temporary, perilous rest at the balcony...
THE MANOR PRE SEASON
The moonlight filters through the arched windows, catching the particles of dust as they float through the air. The red goals glow weakly in the fireplace, almost burnt down to ashes. The distant ticking of a grandfather clock echoes throughout the quiet estate. The lifeless eyes of former contestants stare blankly from their portraits, almost waiting for the slightest burst of activity.
Arranged over the arabesque tiles is a large, sloppily drawn pentagram made from black salt. At each point of the inverted star is a vanilla cupcake yankee candle, each one burnt down into a pool of curdled wax.
The gentle tinkle of glass breaks the silence as the chandelier begins to sway ever-so-slightly. The ethereal tones erupt into a noisy jangle as the room begins to tremble. A smash echoes throughout the chamber as a ceramic vase plummets from the mantle. A portrait of Hettie wielding a bloody tampon swings loose, sending up a cloud of dust as it hits the ground.
The room is caught in a blinding red light, as hellfire erupts from the center of the pentagram, blackening the delicate plastered ceiling above it. The tiles crack from the heat as the agonizing chorus of a millennia of tortured souls cry out, begging to be heard.
And just like that, the inferno dissipates in a puff of smoke.
“Ugh!” Whines Fanta, pinching her nose, “Well that was a colossal waste of MY time!”
She looks around at the scorched interior of the room and groans, before stomping through the ashes and sinking onto her chaise lounge.
Sensing the debris, the Roomba comes to life. The little disk-shaped machine eagerly begins vacuuming up the ash and brimstone littered around the room. Despite it's best intentions, it only seems to be making the mess even worse.
“My life is literally over!” Fanta whines, reaching under the couch cushions for her emergency stash of stress food.
She retrieves a ziploc bag filled with unrefrigerated potato salad.
“There's a killer on the loose targeting MY ghouls!” Fanta cries, her warm potato salad sloshing around in the bag, “Season three has been on hiatus FOREVER-”
Fanta reaches into the ziploc bag with her bare fingers, retrieving a congealed blob of mayo.
“And season four is starting TOMORROW MORNING!”
The Roomba approaches a mound of ashes that vaguely resemble a petrified, demonic face. As the ashes are vacuumed up, a deep exhale echoes around the room. The Roomba freezes for a moment before some sparks erupt from the top of its body.
“Oh great-” Fanta moans, “-and now my vacuum cleaner is fucked up too! This is just PERFECT!”
The mayonnaise drips from Fanta's fingertips as she continues to rant about the chaotic state of her life.
“I have a dozen fat, talentless flops arriving in literally SIX GODDAMN HOURS and I have literally NOBODY to help me host this season-” Fanta whines, “-this is TOO MUCH for a biological woman to deal with at 4am!”
The Roomba reactivates, rotating to face it's owner. It begins to blast out white noise as it approaches Fanta, a demonic voice rising through the static.
“Pull it back-” the Roomba hisses in a vaguely British accent, “-pull it back for me.”
Fanta lets out a shriek, the expired bag of potato salad falling to the ground with a wet splat.
“PULL IT BACK!” The Roomba demands, “PULL IT BACK!”
Fanta climbs atop the chaise lounge as the possessed Roomba begins to circle her like a shark, hungry for her virginal, underage flesh.
“PULL IT BACK YOU LITTLE TWINK--” The Roomba's aggressive words are cut short as the glossy red heel of a hooker boot stomps through its body.
The possessed Roomba lets out a feeble cry of defeat as Caprice's predatory soul returns to hell where it belongs.
Fanta peers out from behind her slimy, mayo covered fingers to see her savior. She lets out a gay gasp.
“Smacahoe!” Fanta cries, “-you saved me!”
Smac kicks the destroyed Roomba across the room, where it crashes into the empty fireplace. She turns to face Fanta once more-
“I need a cigarette-” Smac says in her faux-British accent.
Smac pops a hand on her hip as she looks around at the dismal state of the room. She's exactly as Fanta last saw her at the Wasteland Weekend challenge in season 3. The only difference is the gaping bullet hole in her forehead.
“Christ-” Fanta murmurs, “-you look like shit.”
“That's probably because I've been dead for three weeks-” Smac replies, “-what's your excuse?”
“I have been through a LOT-” Fanta protests, “-in these weekly preseason flashbacks that apparently NOBODY reads!”
Smac ignores her, instead checking her body to see if everything is intact. She'd be damned if she left her silicone ass implants down in hell.
“Anyway-” Fanta says, suddenly remembering the narrative arc of the season, “-who shot you in the face?”
Smac glances back at her in disbelief.
“You did, you trickass bitch!”
THE PANEL WEEK 6
The growing sound of a chiming grandfather clock plays over a montage of the manor, from a low angle shot of the towering architecture outside, to a suspenseful panning down to the locked doors that were the entrance to the main stage. The lens slowly zooms through the golden-plated keyhole, cutting away and changing to Aristo’s perspective, who stares at the bottom two, then back to the hosts.
Lights dim as spotlights form on Bianca and Portia, fading out Satina and Tish in the background who become mere distorted silhouettes from the darkness and blurred effect of the camera. The last glimmer of the crystallised Reddit Dragula sign is captured, before the devastation ahead of us is commenced.
“Aristo… Bella Esmerelda… the time has come for you to reveal who you each have chosen to get exterminated. So, who wishes to take the honours of going first?”
The pair stare blankly at one another for a quick moment, before Aristo nods and steps forward; this was not his first time choosing someone to go home.
“This decision wasn’t easy, I love this queen especially, but I have to choose someone…”
Aristo’s announcement is disrupted by static, the scene merging into a canvas of greys and green that flicker rapidly before dissolving into a completely new environment.
EXTERMINATION
In the distance, beyond the sun soaked hills, was the twinkling cityscape of Los Angeles. The grid-like pattern of the city stretches out in all directions, disappearing into the haze of the horizon. The dusky, polluted sky sank over the scene like a blanket, palm trees swaying ever-so-slightly in the dry, evening breeze.
The camera pans away from the vista, across the emerald green lawn with its meticulously placed shrubbery, peering up towards a garish, cubic monstrosity of white stucco and tinted glass. A signpost hammered into the lawn readsFOR SALEin a bold, scarlet print.
The thunderous click-clack of heels echoes throughout the cavernous interior of the contemporary minimalist mansion. Each hefty stomp plants a nasty dent in the polished marble floor.
“What a tacky little house-” the plus-sized client says in a pointed tone.
Her chubby fingers slither over the surface of her chicken leg, her glossy toadstool nails peeling the flesh away from the meat - she was watching her figure after all - she drops it to the ground behind her as the realtor leads her into the next room.
“-and in such a tacky little neighborhood-” she continues, the rage bubbling up within her.
The camera pans over her bulging shoulder, revealing an endless trail of fried chicken skin littering the ground behind her.
“And yet the tackiest thing of all-” she says, jabbing the realtor with her greasy fingers, “-is you!”
“Madam, there is no reason to be rude-” the realtor replies, buffing the grease out of their blouse with a napkin, “-if you'd like to see another property I can-”
“That's it!” Portia cries, “I've had it with you!”
Her family-sized bucket hits the ground, spewing out fried chicken and corn cobs in all directions. Portia steps across the fried debris, backing the realtor into the wall.
“I am a VERY important woman-” Portia hisses, flecks of food and saliva spraying from her rows of baleen, “-and you are WASTING MY TIME!”
The realtor feebly attempts to use their clipboard as a shield. Portia slaps it away.
“I am Portia Bella LaBeouf as in the wife of Shia LaBeouf-” Portia screeches, “-the STAR of Holes-”
The realtor - now completely drenched in saliva - collapses to the ground and begins dry heaving.
“-and I deserve to be treated with some GODDAMN RESPECT!-”
The realtor clumsily gets to their feet and hurries out of the room. A minute later we hear the roar of their engine as they flee the property in their subaru.
Portia exhales, composing herself.
“-the skinny life is harder than it looks-” She says wistfully, her greasy sausage fingers glide over the bannister as she approaches the top of the staircase, “-where's the kitchen in this piece of shit house-AHHHH!!”
She loses her balance, almost toppling over completely. The buttery corn cob she stepped on bursts out from beneath her Jimmy Choo, bouncing down the impossibly long staircase.
Her cankles groan beneath her as she slips across the buttery floor, pivoting on her heel, she's facing away from the stairs now, reaching out desperately for something - anything - to hold on to.
Her eyes widen and she lets out a surprised oink.
“What are YOU doing here!?” She cries out to the stranger, “-don't just stand there - HELP ME!”
The figure glides forwards from the shadows, reaching out hesitantly with a gloved hand. Portia reaches back, her fingertips barely making contact with the strangers. With some teamwork, they could prevent her from taking a very nasty fall...
The stranger suddenly pulls their hand away, this clearly wasn't the time to get sentimental. They had followed Portia here for a reason.
“Wait!” Portia pleads, “-I can introduce you to FKA Twigs!”
The stranger flicks a chicken nugget towards Portia, and it bounces harmlessly off of her forehead.
Portia blinks in disbelief before her expression turns to dread - that one movement had been enough to tip her balance. Her view went skywards as she tilted backwards, she scrunched her eyes shut as she braced herself for impact...
Her head was the first thing to make contact with the staircase, the vertebrae in her neck shattering in the process. She continued to tumble, head over heels, the entire house rattling as she fell. The stranger gripped onto the bannister for balance as Portia's fall triggered a minor earthquake. A chorus of car alarms erupting in the distance.
Finally, Portia came to a violent stop at the bottom of the staircase, a jiggling heap of excess flesh. Her body vaguely resembled a scoop of strawberry ice cream that had been accidentally dropped at the boardwalk. The most disturbing thing of all was that her head had been twisted 180 degrees.
Portia Bella Mushroom, I’m so sorry. It hurts a lot for me to do this.”
Although the scenes distortion had subdued moments ago, spontaneous flashbacks to Portia’s competitive past occur - showcasing her Branded by Music floorshows, her Zodiac Signs, and her progress this season, all of which led to this moment. She looks down to the floor and sighs, disappointed in the fate she had came to suffer, but smiles at Aristo and respects her decision.
[PORTIA BELLA MUSHROOM]: This is not the way I wanted this to end, I made top 3 on my original season and I really thought that there would be another crown waiting for me. There was this time also, but I just didn’t try my hardest to reach it.
Bianca pats Portia’s backfat as she breathes heavily, a bead of sweat trickling down her temple as she awaited to see if she had survived the Bella’s choice.
“Bella Esmerelda, who did you choose to get exterminated?”
Fantasia gestures Bella to step forward and declare her chosen queen.
“This decision really wasn’t easy and was not a fun thing to do. But I chose…”
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Wait!
The tension halts, the focus shifts to the back of the room to Satina, who steps onto the stage and signals for the elimination to come to an immediate stop.
Fantasia raises a curious brow as she becomes suspicious of the queens motive to disrupt the extermination, but allows her forth anyway.
“This week, I was too busy with other opportunities and I couldn't give the challenge my all-” Satina explains, “-had the timing been different, I could have stayed, but unfortunately I have to drop out of the competition.”
Cameras turn rapidly to face Bianca’s and Portia's shocked expressions, a glimmer of hope sparks amongst their faces but also sadness; witnessing their fellow competitor quit before them. Tish however expresses no shock, as she had been aware of the twist the entire time.
TWO DAYS AGO:
Satina and Tish are seen on their set for the challenge. Tish is mentally preparing herself for her performance, flexing her theatrical muscles. Satina, on the other hand, languishes in the background; visibly agitated and debating something to herself.
A black title card dominates the screen, the elegant cursive text surrounded with a border of pen strokes.
You ok girl?
Tish joins Satina on the couch, which immediately buckles under her weight. A rather stressed Satina is lifted into the air like a child on a seesaw.
Another silent film era title card appears:
I've recently received some career offers, and as much as I don't want to burden you, I'd be foolish to turn them down...”
Satina gestures down to the envelope in her lap, it's a message of congratulations from the producers of RD5. There's a bullet point list of various unimaginative runway themes.
I'm really sorry Tish, but this means that I won't be able to help you with this challenge.
Tish's eyes widen at the news, but she quickly composes herself. A look of compassion and understanding forms on her round potato face.
I guess that would explain why you've been slacking this week… but I would never try to hold you back from greatness.
“That’s when I decided and informed Tish that I would no longer be participating in the competition.”
Aristo releases a deep sigh as he and Bella witness this weeks panel grow to become an even bigger devastation, looking over to Fantasia and Smacahoe and awaiting a response.
“This competition should never be prioritised over reality, and even though you did have some time before this opportunity came about to help Tish, we are aware that even then, with such little or no work - it would be unfair to keep you. We appreciate you coming forth and taking responsibility to deal with matters accordingly, and whilst this ending sucks for everyone involved, we understand why.”
[SATINA]: I really hate leaving like this but I had to take the opportunity given to me at the time. Had the challenge happened today I would’ve been able to do it, but during the time I couldn’t.
“Our hellish queen, you came into this competition as a force to be reckoned with, and was consistent with your intentions to progress and do well. You left your mark on the competition, and hopefully one day… you’ll be back to make a bigger one, unleashing hellfire like never before. Now Satina, you may leave the stage.”
EXTERMINATION
The neon wall fixture casts the bedroom in a pink glow whilst the bratty tune of ‘Fashion After All’ by Poppy blasts on the speaker. The camera zooms into the Hollywood-style mirror of the dressing table where the message ‘farvel tæver fedt’ has been written in MAC Ruby Woo lipstick.
We have a birds eye view of the messy room, various off-the-rack garments and drag essentials litter the space. On the double bed - where the mess is at its most severe - is an open suitcase.
Satina's manicured fingers dance through the debris, snatching up her costumes and haphazardly shoving them into the suitcase. Little by little, the mess seems to shrink until finally, there's only one thing left to pack.
Satina carries Bob the Body Pillow across the room, before carelessly folding him into the suitcase. With some grunting and effort, she manages to bring the lid down somewhat, although she still needs to sit on it to get the latches to snap shut.
Sure, she wasn't leaving under the ideal circumstances, but she was doing what she needed to do. Tish seemed to understand her reasons for going - The RDR5 crown was hers - and she'd be damned if she was going to waste another week wilting away in the Reddit Dragula safezone.
Positive that she had everything she needed, Satina grabbed her suitcase and headed out the room. The click-clack of her heels echoing down the hallway would announce her departure to anyone who cared to listen.
A buzz from her phone caused her to stop midway across the foyer. Standing directly beneath the balcony, where the grand piano was one sudden movement away from plummeting to the ground, Satina began to check her phone. She let out a frustrated sigh - her Uber had cancelled.
“Ugh-” Satina groaned, “-now I'll never get out of this low-rent haunted mansion attraction...”
Tapping away at her screen, she desperately tried to arrange a new ride. Above her the balcony creaked and groaned, flakes of dust and plaster falling around her like snowflakes. She was positioned in the perfect spot to get squashed like an insect...
Ding!
A smile spread across her face. A new driver was on their way, she was going to get a ride out of this flop of a season after all. Satisfied, she flipped her hair over her shoulder and headed for the patio doors where the sound of the fountain on the patio created a tranquil ambience.
Satina closed her eyes, breathing in the saccharine scents of the roses as she said a silent farewell to the manor. Unfortunately for her, this wasn't exactly the kind of farewell she had anticipated.
“Satina-”
Her eyes fluttered open as a voice broke the silence.
“-I just wanted you to know-”
Satina turned to face the newcomer, before letting out a gasp. Pressed against her abdomen was the austere barrel of a shotgun.
“-that you brought this on yourself-”
Before Satina could say a thing her attacker pulled the trigger. Sparks. Smoke. Shrapnel. She was weightless, time seemingly floating by in slow motion as she sailed through the air, her dumbfounded expression watching the trail of red mist that followed in her wake.
And then the cold water hit her like a falling grand piano. She plunged into the murky depths of the fountain, the red water rippling violently and spilling over the edges.
The attacker lowered their gun, stepping over the wet cobblestones to take a closer look at their prey. The water bubbled to the surface as the comically gaping wound in Satina’s abdomen flooded, causing her to sink beneath the surface.
Satisfied, the attacker cocked the shotgun, pumping out the smouldering, used shell. Done with killing - for now at least - they began to whistle to the tune of ‘Fashion After All’ as they headed back inside.
The cast say their goodbyes as the doors open at the back, swallowing Satina up whole as she exits the stage and enters a void of white light.
“We are going to miss Satina, but besides how upset we are to see her go, this is Reddit Dragula. We still have one more extermination choice to play out, the games don’t stop now.”
Bianca sighs, her grip onto Portia’s hand reforming as she acknowledges the fact there is still a chance she may go home alongside the queen. Bella wipes her forehead, before returning to her announcement.
“I have chosen to eliminate…”
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Portia Bella Mushroom also.”
A final bell strike commences as the fate of Bianca’s lucky survival is sealed, whilst also declaring Portia as the lone extermination.
“I’m sorry it went like this.”
Bianca whispers into Portia's ear, before departing from her sisters side and leaving the stage, ahead of Aristo and Bella who follow behind. Smacahoe and Fantasia watch the queen step centre stage, all spotlights forming on her.
“Portia, on season two you took me into a world of your own, one full of camp, filth, comedy and beautiful melodies, which I am happy that I got to visit again. You returned and came back with a fight, but your efforts this time around did not get you the crown that all of us know you had every chance of achieving. Saddle up my ghoul, because you’re going on a journey to win more competitions that we could ever imagine, just remember to come back charging.”
She nods, listening to Fantasia’s words.
“My season two sister, I will always support you, but I do hope that if you ever return here - home - again, that you have every intention of winning... After all, you’ll die of diabetes before you ever see me pass the RD2 crown down from old age - and Elle is asian, so unless she's behind the wheel of a car you won't outlive her either.”
Smacahoe shares words of wisdom to Portia, before she is granted her exit.
“Now my legendary ghoul, you may leave the stage.”
Portia smiles, turning around and waving goodbye to her fellow season four cast as she walks towards the exit. Turning to face the camera, she waves on last goodbye-
[PORTIA BELLA MUSHROOM]: I’ve left my mark on Reddit Dragula again, and I’m leaving with my status remaining as one of the best competitors to grace the competition. Maybe one day I’ll be the golden child.
and walks through the doors.
THE MANOR WEEK 7
One by one, Aristo, Bella, Bianca and Tish arrive at the entrance of the foyer. Their collective isn't a weary relief to have survived yet another weak, but rather one of gleeful triumph.
“Here’s to the top four-” The quarter chant “-of RD4!”
They join hands, laughing as they form a circle. Raising their hands into the air they let out a final, raucous cheer. Bella and Aristo break away from the others, still basking in their shared win.
[BELLA ESMERELDA] I’ve just won my first challenge, and it was BEYOND overdue. If there’s anyone left in the cast that STILL doesn’t see me as a serious threat… Well, that's delusion right there.
Bella takes a dramatic sip from an emerald green teacup.
[BELLA ESMERELDA] Not to be extra but I'm also the only bitch left that has NEVER been up for extermination - just in case you haven't clocked the spreadsheet…
Aristo pulls Bella in for a tight hug, briefly lifting her off of the ground as the pair twirl.
Bianca rolls her eyes.
[BIANCA BIBANCOS] I'll let Ryan and Sharpay milk their fleeting moment of faux-victory but we all know that this week was a fluke-
Bianca is apparently - as the kids say - pressed like a panini.
[BIANCA BIBANCOS] I'm Dragula royalty - the original robbed queen - and to dismiss me because I had ONE bad week would be a huge mistake.
Without much explanation, the four contestants suddenly have full flutes of gas station champagne. Aristo taps the rim of his glass to get the groups attention-
“Ladies, I'd like to request the floor-” Aristo announces, “-as I have something to say...”
Aristo turns face Bella, who's started to blush.
“I'd like to dedicate this toast to my beautiful partner, Bella Esmerelda-” Aristo takes her manicured - albeit rather mannish - hand in his, “-for without her passion, creativity and innovation, our victory this week would not have been possible.”
Bella coquettishly gestures for Aristo to stop, but it's obvious that she doesn't mean it.
“And I'd like to dedicate this toast to YOU-” Bella replies, “-for being the perfect teammate, with your wit, talent and glamour-”
“Okay, we get it-” Bianca interrupts the pair, “-you won a challenge. Cool. Wow. Neat. Awesome.”
“Well if you want to be specific-” Aristo replies, “-I've won my SECOND challenge, not that anyone's counting…”
[ARISTO] I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself.
Bella and Aristo clink their glasses together one last time before taking a congratulatory sip. Bianca sighs, setting her flute down on a nearby table so she can reach beneath her wig and remove her face tapes.
The silence is broken by what sounds like someone urinating.
“Tish…” Aristo says, “... what are you doing exactly?”
Tish is slowly tipping the contents of her glass all over the floor.
“I'm just pouring one out for the homies,” Tish replies, making the sign of the cross with her free hand.
“She was a mind numbingly awful teammate-” Bianca says, “-but I'm going to miss Portia.”
The rest of the group nod in agreement as Bianca takes a sudden departure from her ‘late season villain edit’ to show a more compassionate side.
“I've always been a fan of her work, and competing alongside her has been a dream-” Bianca continues, “-I just wished she could have fought a little harder.”
“I think we were all a little gooped she didn't last until the end-” Bella replies, “-being a Dragula veteran and everything.”
“And although I knew she was leaving all along-” Tish says, “-I'm still going to miss Satina.”
The others murmur their affirmations.
“I really liked her-” Bianca admitted, “-I'll be rooting for her on RDR5.”
“To Portia and Satina-” Aristo says, tipping his champagne onto the floor, “-may you rest in peace.”
“I look forwards to seeing those skanks at the reunion next week, I guess-” Bella says with a sigh.
[TISH HUGHES] These asseaters honestly think we're at the finale already? I'm no booboo the fool, I know what's really going on…
“Maybe we should have a moment of silence?” Tish suggests, “-for everyone who didn't make it this far?”
“That'll be nice-” Bianca says in agreement, “-a moment of silence for those talentless flops.”
The moment of silent remembrance is interrupted by the tinkling melody of piano keys.
“What the fuck?” Bella asks “-Is that coming from outside?”
The manor doors swing open, allowing the iconic tune of ‘A Thousand Miles’ by Vanessa Carlton to float into the foyer. The contestants gather in the doorway, gawking as a slender figure approaches from the distance, milking this moment for all it's worth.
“HI FAGS!” A Scottish accent echoes up the driveway.
[TISH HUGHES] See, I told y'all I knew a hoe was coming back.
Diana Forrest's pale figure struts up the runway, each modelesque stomp sending up a spray of gravel. Her hips sway from side to side, sending ripples down the train of her black gown. Upon closer inspection it's revealed that the entire garment is constructed from garbage bags.
“Great…” Bianca says flatly, “-Diana's back.”
“I mean, what's she going to do?” Aristo asks, “-be in the bottom a THIRD time?”
Diana approaches the four, gliding past them as she enters the foyer.
“Okay, be honest-” she starts, taking her position beneath the balcony “-did you fatties miss me?”
The other four contestants glance about awkwardly. Crickets.
[DIANA FORREST] This is your weekly reminder that Sophie, Kim Petras and SZA invented gay culture--
A deafening crash echoes throughout the manor, rattling the glass in the window panes. The four contestants duck for cover as a massive plume of dust shoots upwards, and a rain of splintered wood, ivories and wire rain down upon them.
After a moment, the dust begins to settle. Tish is the first to notice the pool of blood spreading outwards from beneath the wreckage of the piano.
“Well that was anticlimact--”
The four let out another scream, ducking for cover once more as the foyer collapses into a pit of smoking brimstone. Fire blazes up the walls, seemingly engulfing the entire room in a hellish blaze.
What appears to be a demonic, horned figure begins to emerge from within the inferno.
“Guy Fieri!?” Tish cries, rubbing her eyes.
“Me, but with a crown!?” Bianca asks in astonishment.
“Darren Criss!?” Fanta’s voice echoes from deep within the manor.
“Daddy satan!” A familiar voice whines, “-you're hurting me!”
“Does anyone else smell bacon?” Aristo asks.
Satan, in all of his various disguises, emerges from the flames. Led by the earlobe is a freshly resurrected Portia. Her shattered neck is adorned with a bedazzled neck brace.
With a flick of his wrist, Satan sends her tumbling into the doorway where she lands amongst the other contestants.
“You had ONE job!” Satan cries “-ONE!”
“I'm sorry!” Portia wheezes, snot running down her face.
“You're worse than a failure-” Satan snarls, “-you're a complete and utter EMBARRASSMENT!”
Portia grovels for forgiveness.
“If you embarrass me again-” Satan says, “-if you so much as fail to land in the top I will drag your soul back to hell MYSELF.”
Satan steps back into the roaring blaze, descending once more into the depths of hell. The smoke dissipates moments later, and the foyer is inexplicably back to its original state.
“Wig-” Fanta says, descending the staircase, “-I guess Portia is back... Again.”
The top five awkwardly climb to their feet, dusting themselves off in the process.
“Well, I'm sure you all have a lot to catch up on-” Fanta says, tiptoeing around the bloody wreckage of the piano, “-but there's no time for that I'm afraid… it's time for the next challenge!”
THE BUNKER WEEK 7
Fanta leads the ghouls into the movie theatre, several rows ahead Smacahoe turns in her seat to shush them before directing their attention to the movie screen.
Up on the screen - in midcentury black and white - an animated hotdog, cola bottle, cotton candy and box of popcorn do a Vegas-style chorus line across the screen to the tune of a corny jingle. Moments later, we're staring up into a grey, cloudless sky.
“Welcome to Ghoulsville, USA-” a peppy disembodied voice says, “-the little town with a high body count!”
We see a cheerful sign featuring the titular towns name - the population is 666. Beyond that is an endless sea of grey corn fields.
“Ghoulsville has all the rustic charm and appeal of small town americana...”
We see the Shake'N'Go Diner with it's vinyl booth seating and vintage jukebox. A cheerful looking waitress with a striking resemblance to Erathelle roller skates towards the camera, effortlessly balancing a tray of milkshakes on one hand.
“All of the innocence and family values of the Eisenhower administration…”
We see a modest suburban bungalow with a chevy in the driveway. A housewife with an uncanny resemblance to Angie Apathy is kneeling amongst her grey flowerbeds with some shears. She inconspicuously pops a valium.
“And all of the rugged natural beauty of the great outdoors right on your doorstep…”
We see a beautiful, scenic swimming hole within the woods. A curvy girl in a polkadot bathing suit and cat eye sunglasses- greatly resembling Cassandra - lounges on a rickety wooden raft. We can see a moss-covered sign saying ‘Absolutely NO Swimming Oh At All’ in the foreground.
“So if you're looking for the perfect little town that has it all… then why not Ghoulsville?”
We're in the outdoors now, on a rocky plateau overlooking the modest town skyline. Things are getting steamy inside a grey cadillac, where a young couple might just get to second base.
“Indigo… I don't think I'm ready-” The girl says, smoothing out the wrinkles in her poodle skirt, “-it's just, things are going so FAST-”
Her date takes a comb out from his leather jacket, and angles the rearview mirror to get a better look at himself. He begins to comb back his immaculate pompadour.
“But then again-” the girl says, clutching her pearls, “-you're such a dreamboat, and I have some prophylactics stashed in my brassiere...”
“Anita, I think you're just swell-” he replies, stroking his dashboard, “-almost as swell as a ‘52 Cadillac Eldorado fresh off the assembly line...”
The girl swoons.
“Ugh, you're so bad Indigo-” the girl exclaims, “-to heck with it! I want to be bad too!”
The vehicle lurches forwards suddenly, the axels creaking as the weight shifts back...
“What the…” the boy sees, checking the rearview.
We're outside the car now, a ginormous gelatinous blob is spreading across the trunk of the car, the veiny malevolent being seems to be consuming the vehicle entirely.
“Oh no!” The girl screams from inside, “-We're being punished for having premarital sex!”
Elsewhere, we see the housewife drop her shears in disbelief as a boxy robot strides across the street towards her. She tries to get away but it's too late - the screen is consumed with a flash of grey light as it zaps her with it's raygun. Her plasticky skeleton collapses to the ground amongst her scattered valium pills.
Back at the swimming hole we see a rubbery looking swamp creature emerge from the bubbling waters. After a moment of intense struggle it grabs the sunbather by the ankles, dragging her into the choppy grey waters.
Finally, we see the waitress glide over to a rusted pickup truck. The drivers side window rolls down to reveal... a man in a raincoat with a bloody hook for a hand. The last thing we see are the milkshakes falling to the ground.
...
“Oh wow…” Bianca says, “...that was um… something.”
Fanta makes her way to the front of the theatre, where she begins to brief the five remaining contestants on the challenge ahead.
“This week you'll be paying tribute to the campy b-movies and creature features of the 1950’s,” Fanta explains, “-an era which is considered by some to be the birthplace of modern horror cinema.”
“You'll each pitch your own black and white b-movie, where the goal is to marry your distinct perspective with the vibe and aesthetics of the midcentury period setting.”
“Shortly you'll receive a list of basic scenes and Ghoulsville-specific environments which you must incorporate into your projects. It is up to each of you to elevate these scenes beyond the original template into something special, unique and entertaining.”
“Unlike previous acting challenges, there are no restrictions on exterior filming locations or the use of extras. The only limitation is that you must portray the protagonist, victim or otherwise focal character of each scene.”
“Another vital part of your pitch is to create a fitting title and similarly catchy tagline. My advice would be not to lose sight of what era and genre you are trying to convey.”
Fanta clicks her fingers, and the scene behind her changes. It displays a sprawling sun-soaked city. Unlike the previous footage, these shots are filmed in glorious technicolour.
A bay of water glistens under the orange sunset. White buildings glow a warm shade of amber. Rugged hills stretch into the distance, spotted with miniscule trees and bushes. The camera zooms out revealing that this picturesque urban environment is actually a miniature city. The sunset behind it is obviously airbrushed. The multi-storey buildings must be shoulder-high…
“Finally, using our miniature city environment you'll be creating your ‘Attack of the 50ft Queen’ floorshows. Think of this as kaiju eleganza extravaganza.”
“Remember, this competition is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourselves, use your time wisely and submit your best work. We're fast approaching the home stretch and at this point anyone can be up for extermination. Good luck!”
[END]
SUMMARY
You must each create and pitch a movie inspired by the black and white b-movies and creature features of the 1950s.
You must merge your distinct perspective with the vibe and aesthetic of this particular cinematic era.
You must provide a title and tagline for the currently untitled project you are pitching.
Your pitch must include three scenes: the opening, the chase, and the showdown.
Your scenes must be set within various Ghoulstown, USA environments.
You have each been assigned a unique villain to feature within your scenes.
Details of the scene templates, environments, and villains will be posted later via the announcement chat.
You will portray the protagonist, victim or otherwise focal character within each scene.
Finally, using the miniature city environment, you'll create a technicolor floorshow to the theme of ‘Attack of the 50ft Queen’.
DEADLINE: Thursday, 18th of March, 6pm CST
SPREADSHEET: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1wysBvt45oyuoBP1apJ89H7r2sG3Asow_Fl5S3KJyojc/htmlview
submitted by perlementhe to RDragula [link] [comments]


2018.08.02 00:47 Texas1971 Carollaisms (August)

Carollaisms (August)

Band Names/Rap Stars

Mitt Romney and the One Percenters (ACS)
ManAyz - Rap star (LL)
D'Bagz - Rap star (LL)
Maxi Pad - An all-girl band that knows how to rock (LL)
Dick Tingle - One of the best blues men in the business (Show?)
Lynette and the Lackeys (ACS)
Straw Hat and the Bowties - Jerry Springer's dixieland band who plays at the Knott's Berry Farm Good Time Theater (ACS)
Gut Fluffer (ACS)
Johnny Beaumont and The Legionnaires - All wear matching powder blue tuxedoes (ACS)
Automatic Vaginismus – Great band name (LL)
Dissuade/D’ Suede - Rappeproducer of Kanye/one of Kim's ex beaus (ACS)
Starchy Deuce - Band that should be produced by D' Suede (ACS)
Narthex - (ACS)
Epileptic Declawed Hamster - That is a helluva punk band right there (ACS)
Loretta Lynch - Country singer who sang "Stand By Your Man" (ACS)
The Areolas - Covered an Eagles song in the ‘90s (ACS)
Fleece and Flannel - One of the best lesbian acoustic duos you will ever see (ACS)
3 Chainz - Rap star (ACS)
Blues Squatter - Adam's dad’s band name (ACS)
Tampon Kayak - One of Seattle's greatest, but least heard of indie bands (ACS)
Jizz Grenade (LL)
Dryer Fire - Hot indie band name (ACS)
Iranian Revolutionary Guard - Prince's backup band (ACS)
Rape Kit - Name of Adam's band from high school (ACS)
Nog Bong - A band Adam was in in high school (ACS)
Bum Blazer – Adam’s band in high school (ACS)
White Trash Kimchi - Another good band name (Bald Bryan) (ACS)
White Noise - Adam's rap name (ADS)
Promethazine - Lil Wayne's sister (ADS)
Light Rail - Great Rap name (ADS)
Danny In The Joint - Good indie band name (ACS)
Anal Cleft - One of the worst reggae singers to leave Jamaica (ACS)
Anal Cleft and the Taints - Great reggae group (ACS)
MEL-ROL - One of The Spice Girls (AOTH)
D'bris - Great Rap name (ACS)
Cisgender - A militant female rapper....for the ladies (ACS)
Krav Maga (1) - Country singing Jew (ACS)
Lynette and Paulette - Sounds like a singing duo from the 60's (RD)
Nuts In The Sink - Name of Ray’s new band (Ray) (AOTH)
SubDude - Pete Holmes' rap name (ACS)
Ray And The Enemas - Blues singer and his backup band (ADS)
Yakov Crutchfield - He has a show in Branson (ADS)
Mac 18 - Adam’s favorite rapper (RD)
Tremble Lean – Adam’s rap name (ACBSL)
Sticker Back – Worst band out of Canada ever (ACS)
Pennywise and Pound Foolish - A band from the ‘90's (RD)
Strawberry Shortcake's Neti Pot - Great band name (Twitter)
Puffy Elon Musk - Worst rapper ever (ACS)
Pantera Club at Laguna Seca (Twitter)
Savage Body Attack - New wave romantic band Ace was in when he was 19 (FBL)
Jumping Jazzy Jews - Jeff Goldblum's jazz band (ACS)
Snore Cherry - Great band name (ACS)
Pat Benatard - Pat Benatar cover band (ACS)
Rancid Nuts - Good band name (ACS)
Gary And The Knotholes - Good band name (AOTH)
Tampon Canoe - Good indie band (ACS)
One Erection - A good boy band (ACS)
Flushin' Dew - A good country duo (ACS)
Armo Jeweler - Great band name (RD)
Radon - (Lynette thinks) there a Whitesnake cover-band (ACS)
The Taste Of Ace - Great band name (ACS)
King Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)
Concord Grape and the Raisinettes (GS)
Gary Taco - Love that band (ACS)
The Silence Breakers (2) - Good punk band (Gina) (ACS)
Daddy’s Got A Dually – Good country song (ACS)
Dip Curtain - Good indie band (ACS)
Crystal Lobbyists - Sounds like a great techno band (ACS)
Narcissistic Monk -Great indie band (GS)
Sporty Prius - Worst of the Spice Girls (ACS)
Laden and Bravado - 70s duo who opened for Seals n Crofts (ACS)
The Bouncers - great band name (ACS)
Hurry up and make sense (1) - a good talking heads album (ACS)
Appropriate Sombrero - Maxapada’s next band name (Bryan) (ACS)
Flirtatious Contrail - great rap name (GS)
Jack Johnson - Guy from The White Stripes aka The Black Stripes (ACS)
Sophistry - A great Carol King album (ADS)

Song Titles

Meatless Mondays - Horrible Bangles song (Show?)
Measles and Commuter Trains - Worst Christmas song ever (ACS)
White Guys Be Ownin' Everything - Adam's next hit (ACS)
Blood On The Grout - John Cougar Mellencamp song (ACS)
No Blood In The Peckeroo - Good John Cougar song (ACS)
Mellen's Gold - A three disc box set of nothing but John Cougar Mellencamp hits (ACS)
Freaks, Retards and Jews - Not a Cher song (ACS)
Pedophile Cops - Good Cheap Trick song (ACS)
Pig Anus Soup - Favorite Rolling Stones album (Bryan) (ACS)
That Dog Don’t Mess With Olga and Natalia Don’t Spit No Mo’ - Sounds like a Mississippi Delta blues song (Bryan) (ACS)
Goggles Are For Pussies - Trace Adkins' number one hit (ACAFBSL)
Whistle While You Masturbate - The lost Disney song aka "Whistle While You Jerk" (ACS)
12 Pack & Dick's Hard - Name of Adam's new album (Gina) (ACS)
Blood and Soil - A good Smithereens song (ACS)
Pina Colada in Amsterdam - Worst Jimmy Buffet song ever (ACS)
Tough Times In The City - Great Nick Gilder song (ACS)
I've Got A Hamster In My Scrotum And He's Looking For His Keys - That's a good country song (ACS)
Gay Hitler -Great Elvis Costello song (ACS)
Tard On The Tool Shed - Good Mellenamp song (AOTH)
Condo in Redondo - Sublime song (ADS)
Animoji - Band that sung "Obsession" (ACS)
People Who Have Lost People - Worst Barbara Streisand song ever (ACS)
Tilted Heart - Great Tammy Wynette song (ADS)
Yoga wood - Great Beatles song (ACS)
Anal cleft - Song from the Sound of Music (ACS)
Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)
I’ve got a Saturday and two friends - great country song (Gina) (ACS)
Recipe for Misery (2) - Title of the next Guns N Roses album (ACS)
Circling Back To Baldwin - Good name for a country song (ACS)
Keistered in Winnipeg - (Bald’s) favorite Willie Nelson song (ACS)
Anal ipecac - Good indie band (ACS)
2 Tits and a Pulse - Ace likes that Beck song (Bryan/Adam) (ACS)

Football Players/Athletes/Teams:

Legs Akimbo - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Feral Katz - Nose Tackle (ACS)
L' Brarian Booker - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Oscar Buzz - Linebacker (ACS)
DeVigorous Lover - Wide Receiver (ACS)
Nadir Zenith - Placekicker (ACS)
DeGluten Free - Offensive Lineman (ACS)
Tangy Mango - Fullback (ACS)
N'Farious Plan - (position?) (ACS)
Modular Holmes - (position?) (ACS)
Fortuitous Bounce - Safety (ACS)
Operatin' Thetan - (ACS) Quarterback for the Washington Redskins (ACS)
Minority Banks - HOF OLB who died tragically in a car wreck shortly after his HOF induction, a natural athlete, he played option QB in college along with being a stand out member of the track team, and in high school he was captain of the basketball team. Survived by his twin brother Majority Banks, who also played in the league, and daughter Recuser Banks who many believe was the best athlete in the family (ACS)
Coach Platitude - "Take a knee son...helmet's not a chair" (ACS)
Glendora Bevmo - Mother of DeVigorous Lover and L' Brarian Booker (different fathers, of course) (ACS)
Marshall Law - (Allison) (ACS)
Orlando Ceeworld - (position?) (ACS)
Du Vatine - (position?) (Show?)
Raja Slate - Super fast wide-out out of Marshall via LSU (AOTH)
Moe Greene - Great corner for the Washington Redskins in the 80’s (ACS)
Bronx Defenders - Sounds like a AAA hockey team (RD)
Medical Error - Slipped in the draft due to a video being released just prior (ACS)
Homeo Stasis (position?) (ACS)
Capybara - The greatest name for a major league skipper (ACS)
Ejaxico Johnson (position?) (ACS)
Radiant Barrier vs. Attic Fan - The worst WWE matchup ever to grace the stage (AOTH)
Bamboo Brick - one of the greatest mixed martial artists on the planet (AOTH)
Dexter Methorphan - He did not participate in the combines, but his coaches say he can run a 4.3 (Twitter)
Bob Jacuzzi - Great point guard for the Celtics aka "THE COOZE" (ACS)
Shame Negation - Picked to leave Clemson early and go very early in the draft this year. (ADS)
Entertainment Crackers - Another name for the Washington Generals ACS
Hardibacker - Good name for an inside backer (ACS)
Osmosis - Black dude. Forward for the Knicks who might or might not have been traded (ADS)
Onus Wilson - NFL draftee (ACS)
World Be Mine - Adam’s new basketball name (ACS)
LBJ - Worst Mexican wrestler name ever (ADS)
Cold stone Steve Austin - Can’t wrestle on hot days. Tag team partners with the Klondike twins (GS)
Cicely Tyson - Greatest Italian boxer of all time. (ADS)

Porn Star Names/Terms/Gay Code:

Spoodini - (LL)
Rocky Stucco - (AOTH)
No Can Doo - Backdoor anal queen of China (ACS)
Kristallnacht - Worst porn star name in the business (ACS)
Madison Avenue (I am Rappaport Podcast)
Hero Du Jour (I am Rappaport Podcast)
Kindle Fire (ACS)
Jackson Hole - Gay porn actor (ACS)
Col. Duke Lacrosse - Adam's porn name (LL)
Duke Circumference - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Rich Data - Gay porn actor (Show?)
Tom Foolery - Gay porn actor (Show?)
Honey Dijon - Great porn star name (Show?)
Aids Machete - One of Adam's gay porn names. "Very short stint, I only did 2 weeks with that name, so it was like 41 movies." (ACS)
Bryce Canyon - Great gay porn name (ACS)
The Italian Coastguard - A gay move. "Let me just start with basic anal, then I'll slide into the Italian Coast Guard." (ACS)
Tetanus Gym - Good gay porn name "Who you working with?" "Tetanus Gym." "Oh boy, make sure you're on top" (ACS)
Shared A Back Fence - gay slang (ACS)
Mea Culpa - Adam's porn name (ACS)
Hand Twins - Gay code (ACS)
Backscatter - Porn technology (PM)
Cajun Tree Climber - Gay code (AOTH)
Snow Blower- Gay code (AOTH)
Stump Grinder - Gay code (AOTH)
Tumbler And Coaster - Adam's gay slang replacement for "top and bottom" (PM)
Go For A Bike Ride - Gay code (ACS)
Artie Fartie - Adam's porn name from the 80's (ACS)
Road Island Ray - Ray's porn name (AOTH)
38KKK -A type of porn that comes out of Kentucky (ACS)
Tech Screw - A dirty website for geeks (ACS)
Bearvalanche - Worst gay move ever (ACS)
Wacked Off Pieces Of Cactus - Gay code for gay rough trade (ACS)
Brad Nail - Good gay porn name (ADS)
Lightning Rod - Good gay porn name for Milo Yiannopplous (ADS)
Milk Barn - Another name for Adam's bathroom sink (ACS)
Meat Thievery - That's just good gay code (ACS)
Hairy Shin - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Asian Persuasion - Sounds like a good name for a porn series Asian persuasion 16 (ACS)
Cock Holster - Good movie series, cock holster 14 (ACS)
Celebrity Du Jour - Great porn name (ACS)
Europol - Another great porn name (ACS)
Roy Wood - Adam's gay porn name (ACS)
Tank slapper - Gay slang (Gina) (ACS)
Porch Pirate - Gay term (ACS)
Mad Chuck - The world's worst name for a gay porn star (AOTH)
Sweat lodge - Gay code (ACS)
The L.A. Underground - Sounds like a gay bar (M&J)
Skin and grin - Gay slang (ACS)
Rear Admiral - The name of one of the best bars on west side (ACS)
Loaded for bear - Now a gay term (GS)
Fruit Of The Year - A porn Dave (Dameshek) starred in (ACS)
The Lebanese Comedian - Ace's favorite sex position (ACS)
Cockout - When a gay guy doesn't try very hard (ACS)
Margana Wood - Porn name (ACS)
Hugh Bris - Porn star (RD)
Matte Clear - Fondalier’s gay porn name (AOTH)
Palatial Estates – A good 80’s fake tittie porn name (AOTH)
Cokie Roberts - Great porn name (ACS)
Armenian Christmas - An unspeakable sexual act in prison. "Johnny ratted out the white supremacists to the warden, so they gave him an Armenian Christmas" (Show?)
Ride The Pine - Gay slang (ADS)
Meet Gaze - Gay slang (ACS)
Asshole Rider - Gay slang (ACS)
Cash Widedick - Ace's porn name if you can call an apple a honey crisp. (ACS)
Shanda Lear - Great stripper name (Gina) (ACS)
Fiery Cherry - Good porn name (ACS)
Jerk the wheel - Code for masturbation (ACS)
Giddyup Titties - Gina’s porn name (Gina) (ACS)
French astronaut - Great gay slang (ACS)
Mr Bandera - gay code (ACS)
Beefmato/Clamato - sounds like names of venerial diseases (ACS)
Spanner - Australian gay code (ACS)
Rocky tenure - Adam’s gay porn name (ACS)
The End Game - One of Stormy Daniels movie titles (RD)
Room for cream - Great porno title (Gina) (ACS)
Pedialyte shower - Worst sexual act ever (Sklar) (ACS)
Foot Zunki - Add-on to the Pedialyte shower (ACS)
Self rimming sink - gay slang (AOTH)
Harvey Mudd - gay bar drink where vermouth and bartender shit is mixed in a goblet (ACS)
Barney’s Beanery - ultimate name for a gay bar (ACS)
Parallel park both ways - euphemism for being bi (GS)
The Big Three - Gerago’s junk (RD)
73 - When a fat guy tries to 69 with a chubby prostitute he met at a ham radio convention(ACS)
Backlog - Stormy Daniels movie title (Bryan)(ACS)
Madison Bear - Sounds like an dating app for gay hairy dudes who are married (ACS)
Back pay - Good porn title name (ACS)

Miscellaneous People

Trajectory Hagar - High school kid "heading down the wrong path" in life (ACS)
Slick Mouth - Adam's prison name (ACS)
Rich Carless - Cool homeless guy name (ACS)
Keyless Chuck - Best homeless guy name (ACS)
Nasal Ranger - Worst superhero name ever (Gina) (ACS)
Krav Maga (2) - Good name for a sheriff (ADS)
Hubcap Annie - Horror that hangs out with Keyless Chuck (ACS)
Becky Honkington (Allison) (ACS)
Monica Chugscock - (Pronounced "Shuggscawk") (ADS)
Tyvek DuPont - Best rich guy’s name (AOTH)
Mattress - A Model/actress (ACS)
Hofmeister Kink - Nazi war criminal who's been in hiding in Brazil for the past 61 years. aka Jake Johnson (ACS)
Serpiginous - The world's wimpiest swordsman. Sir Piginous of Wussville (LL)
Chick Fil a - Great play-by-play guy for the Warriors from the 70’s (Show?)
Peri Menopausal - Best P.I. working the Chicago beat (LL)
Whiskey Dick - The neighborhood pedophile in the clown outfit (ACS)
Surge - Guy that drives for ÜBER (ACS)
Babbling Brook - Great name for a female cattle auctioneer (PM)
Terra Firma - Name of the "woman of color" that heckled Adam at a Ventura live show and was removed by force (The Ranker Podcast)
Octomom - Great Batman villain (Bryan) (ACS)
Larry The Cabinet Guy - Failed Israeli comic…"Don't get 'er done!" (ACS)
Rod Blagojevich - Joe Francis' slimy brother who sells above ground pools out of a primered van (ACS)
Cockchug Man - The gay superhero in The Village People that wears just all leather (ACS)
MEL-ROL- She's one of The Spice Girls (AOTH)
Hand Farts - A new comedian Adam had never heard of (ACS)
Juan Jeremy - The greatest international film star ever (ACS)
Bitchathane Jackson - Good name for a "sista" (ACS)
Tobar - Perfect caveman name (ACS)
Vroman - A fast moving Roman (ACS)
Korn Syrup and Fructose - Women of color who work at the strip club with Jade (stage 4) (ACS)
Fred Meyer - Lucy's neighbor (ACS)
Kimchi - The Asian flutist (ACS)
Pacoima - The mechanic from Taxi (ACS)
Dick Salt - NATO Alliance General (ACS)
Dick Salt (2) - Manger of the Mariners in the early 70’s (Bryan) (ACS)
Caramel And Fudge - Two more African-American prostitutes that lived in the apartment above Adam’s (ACS)
Peaches - The whore that lived upstairs (ACS)
F. Me Bailey - Greatest lawyer of all time (RD)
Agua Caliente - Loves that guy. He does a great John Madden (ACS)
Senior Penis - One the most dangerous drug lords to ever work (ADS)
Shill Du'Jour - Good Bond secretary name (RD)
Brexit Romero - Sounds like an International assassin (ACS)
Lugansk - That gay diver who hit his head and gave the whole Canadian team AIDS (ACS)
Leak O'rama - A Dutch action star, starred in “Sudden Death” (AOTH)
Vaginismus - Great black guy name (ADS)
Normcore - Guy that owns Westwood one (ACS)
LaTolstoy - Great black guy name (ACS)
Shapiro – Artist who is really good at anime. Died in the 60’s but was a real trendsetter (ACS)
Chuck Spears – Good name for a racist. “Hey you workin’ with Chuck Spears over at the Klan?” (ACS)
Norethindrone - DAG’s Sister (CLL)
La Tuskegee - Black airline pilot (ACS)
C-clamps – Nickname for Adam’s step-mom. “Ol’ C-clamps locked me out of the house again.” (ACS)
Harry Nilsson - (Gary thinks) he does the voices on The Simpsons (ADS)
Nutella - Great name for a crazy black woman (ACS)
Sia - The perfect person to break up with. Would be perfect if she was dating Jack (hit the road Jack) (ACS)
The Ball Catcher - What Adam used to call Ray's ass in junior high (ACFBSL)
MOAB - Matt's new nickname (Mother of All Buttholes) (AONTH)
Trip Reeb - Great name for a white guy (ACS)
Merle Horn - One of the greatest best ropers to ever come down the Pecos (ACS)
The Boring Machine - Lynette's name for Adam (ACS)
Avocado Hand - The nickname of Eric Clapton's brother (Chet) who works at a Mexican place and is charge of the guacamole (ACS)
Bagel Hand - Clapton's Jewish cousin (ACS)
Fa-Sheeya (fascia) - A heavy set woman of color that works at the DMV (ACAFBSL)
Ghrelin - New AM/PM mascot (ACS)
Krav Maga (3) - An Israeli Captain from 1946 (ACS)
Cuban Boa - Sounds like a dark skinned trannie (ACS)
Gabardine - She's a very chatty woman of color middle-aged and she'll talk your ear off. (ACS)
Guy Dudebro - Greatest name ever (AOTH)
Otto Warmbier- Simultaneously the greatest and worst beer master brewer name ever (ACS)
Leif Geragos - Greatest rocking attorney ever Viking rocker attorney (ACS)
Ernest J. Bigot - "I'm just asking....I'm just wanna know...." (ACS)
Panzanella - Cobra's full name (ACS)
Sheet Metal Nibbler - Great name for Matt the porcelain punisher (AOTH)
Big Grenadine - Sounds like a large black neighbor (ACS)
Silent gym - Next to Keyless Chuck, best homeless guy name ever (ACS)
Nuchilla - Sounds like a black vampire (Theo Von) (ACS)
D' poleon - Black Napoleon (ACS)
Luke Rockhold - Sounds like a character on The Flintstones (GS)
Sissy squat - She was hot (AOTH)
Beulah - The town horror (RD)
Ronan Farrow - One of the best wheel men in Europe (ACS)
Duke Bagg - Comedian Ian Bagg's brother (ACS)
Root Ball Grinder - A horrible term for a bitchy wife (Ruth Ballgrinder and Harriet Mulcher) (Tim Allen) (ACS)
Paul Funyun - Just a big dude who likes to have fun. Has a pink ox as a sidekick (ACS)
Page/Savage - A great lawyer team (Adam Ray) (ACS)
Ivar the Boneless - Ace’s dad’s nickname in high school. aka Jim the spineless (ACS)
Bash Worthy - Comic strip's character name/title (ACS)
Uncle Tom-bién - Mexican Uncle Tom (ACS)
Alist Poon - An Indian exchange student who has cerebral palsy (ACS)
Indignant Asswipes - Good name for an improv troupe (Gina) (ACS)
Flora in Fauna - two black chicks that work for him (ADS)
Cheap - Name of a he/she that literally went under sexual assignment surgery last month (ACS)
Heroin (1)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) A character in Lord Of The Rings (Bryan) (ACS)
Yersinia pestis - Ace did Celebrity Apprentice with that dude. He won that year (ADS)
Morgue Mode - Sounds like a guy from Iceland who is a DJ (ACS)
Rachel Bias - Great stripper name (ACS)
Buzz Ramjet - Aviation attorney (ACS)
Black Cherry - Stripper name Bryan (ACS)
Saffron - Sassy black woman in Meg Whitman movie (ACS)
Vibranium - a new black kid name from Black Panther (ACS)
Bird Nerd - Marvel superhero (ACS)
Merch Galore - Worst Bond secretary ever. Total sellout. Always wearing her own swag (GS)
Bathroom Goalie - New code for fat chicks sitting next to you on an airplane (ACS)
Skip Loader -Kurt Loder’s older brother (ACS)
F. Me Money - greatest attorney rapper ever (RD)

Morning Zoos/DJ's/Radio Stations

Gum and Condoms - (Show?)
Dusty Labia - Adam's handle when he used to do AM Mornings. (ACS)
Asscrack and Backsack in the morning with Sludge (LL)
Crockpots and Headphones (ACS)
Booger and Floor Wax (ACS)
Almonds and Water (ACS)
Cold Butter And Calves (ADS)
Schluter And The Drain - Schluter has a thick Austrian accent , while "The Drain" has a super low voice (AOTH)
Ace Rockolla - Just Google "Ace Rockolla Lightning round...." (LL)
Fungus and Mold (Show?)
Stupid and Petty (Show?)
Eunice and Edgar - Bubba the Love Sponge's parents (ACS)
Flip Flops and Fanny Packs (ACS)
Hairy Shin - Does a KCRE show in the weekends (ACS)
Deep Bra Grooves - Should be a Sirius XM station Channel 248, C+ and above! (ACS)
Andy and Opie - Great Radio Show (ACS)
QuietRock - Sounds like an easy listening rock station (AOTH)
Quiet Crush - A good easy listening radio station (ACS)
The Tool Box - SiriusXM took tune station aka KTOL (ACS)
Ray's Enema Antics - New podcast on Carolla Digital (Bryan)(ACS)
Doug Gets Blown While He Eats Pudding - Doug Benson's next podcast (ACS)
Cat Packer - Used to do mornings with her brother, Fudge (ACS)
Duke and Shinola - good morning show team (ACS)
Mother Trucker - Adam’s Podcast with caller Miguel (AOTH)

Places

Boobville - (LL)
Pedoph Isle aka Pedophile Island - Island where are all the pedophiles are sent to live. (Also a TV show/movie idea) (LL)
Lil' Lord Fauntleroy’s Academy for Albino Hemophiliacs - Drew's childhood school (LL)
Doesntexistizcan - Where presidential candidate Platitude's grandfather was from (ACS)
Boga Raton - The world's worst resort spot (Show?)
Meat Yard - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
Mister Fister's - Adam's all-time top name for a gay bar (ACS)
Sub-Par - Worst name for a submarine sandwich shop (Show?)
Queen Mary - Great name for a tranny bar (ACS)
NuvaRing - A German racetrack. "The new Nissan GTR turned it in 7:21, faster than the Corvette." (Show?)
Louis Pasteur Middle School (ACS)
Helm’s Deep - World's first gay bar bakery (ACS)
Kal Penn - One of the best sounding names to get an engineering degree from (ACS)
Alaska State Motto - Love fishing but I hate your kids? Alaska! (PM)
Duke University - John Wayne's college (ACS)
Planned Possumhood - Planned Parenthood in Arkansas (ACS)
Fruit Stand - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
Poo Poo City - Where Charles Fletcher Loomis' house is located (ACS)
Blood Bank - Great name for a check cashing place in the hood (ACS)
Bass Manor - Great name for a gay bar (ACS)
The Dead C - Sounds like the worst name for a lesbian bar ever (ACS)
Wood Bar - Good name for a gay bar (ACS)
Ghost Load - Ride at Calico Ghost Town (ADS)
Nasacort - Country club for Jewish folks where they play tennis at (ADS)
L.A. HOTT (1) - An 80's bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)
Fairy Wings - Good name for a bar on the west side (ACS)
Second Hand/First World - Store that sells rich whitey’s high end stuff (ACS)
The Lance Hunter - Perfect name for a gay bar (Dumb People Town)
Pervert Park - Theo Vaughn grew up there (ACS)
Big Sur - Great name for a big and tall shop (Show?)
Studio Centric - Sounds like a Utopia. Between Valley Village and Sherman Oaks (AOTH)
Asstard - Thor came from that planet (ACS)
Grand Entrance - Great name for a gay bar (AOTH)
Thermopolis - Where the Bun Boy is (ACS)
The Turkish Embassy - Gay bar (ACS)
Low Tide - Gay code for boner in the rear view mirror (ACS)
Corumption - On the way to Vegas, where Heidi Fleiss lives with her macaws (ACS)
C.C. Fichens - Sounds like a pretzel stand (Gina) (ACS)
Timpani Barn - where to get timpani to go, has three big Mexicans in the kitchen (ACS)
Heroin (2)(Pronounced Ehr-o-win by JCVD) The health food store in Venice (ACS)
Pocket Passers - Next to Mister Fister’s (Gina) (ACS)
The Mexican Faire - Worst fair ever (ACS)
Hanoi Hospice - Only place worse than the Hanoi Hilton (ACS)
Kaleblazer- Gay juice bar (ACS)
Hot Dog Cannon - good name for a bar next to The Abbey (ACS)
Dyskeratosis - where Vinnie lives, lots of Greek folks, a family oriented community (ACS)
Kind of, Italy - Where Ace’s family is from. Where he gets his kinky hair. (ADS)

Miscellaneous

Cleaning The Pink Turtle - Bryan's name for pleasuring oneself (ACS)
Analingus - A new type of breath mint (LL)
The Milk Of Arthritic Goats - A rabbi's curse: "May you suckle at the teet of the milk of arthritic goat!!!" (ACS)
Carbon Dating - A black dating website (ACS)
RU486 - Vanity plate for a guy who runs an abortion clinic (ADS)
Jet Green - Amsterdam's Airlines (ACS)
Stromer, Oldhafer and Carolla - World's worst law firm (AOTH)
Ira Carolla - Sounds like an affliction "Oh my Ira Carolla's acting up" (ACS)
Sawjay - Sounds French...gay word for sausage. "I was strokin' this dude’s sawjay" (ACS)
Smokeless Cigarette - Name for Dr. Drew's honker after his prostate surgery (ADS)
El Niño - Name of "Sinn" strip club DJ's cock (ACS)
Blue Man - Crazy hairdresser's macaw who doesn't judge (PM)
Lucia - An Italian moped (ACS)
American Jewish World Service - A van that's begging to be shot at (ACS)
E-aye? - Canadian version of EBay (ACS)
Sweatpants Lesbian - What Adam would be. An in-between lesbian. Not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke (ACS)
SuckStrong - Bill Clinton's bracelet (ACS)
Gaybus - Gay and bogus (ACS)
Flappy Bird - The most offensive name for the vagina (ACS)
G8 (Summit) - The Pontiac that Oprah gave away on her show (ACS)
Oracle A The Delphi - Big new startup company (ADS)
Crewkakke - A type of sweater (ACS)
The Flying Dutchman - Great name for an Amsterdam airlines (ACS)
Cleaning My Chain - Euphemism for beating off (ACS)
Awesome Town - A gathering of three or more polar bears (ACS)
Avocado - The Greek word for nut sack (ACS)
Doucherette - A gum/patch that douchebags chew/use (ACS)
Urban Milling -Black guys standing around (AOTH)
Synesthesia - When you eat your own hair (ACS)
Tuck Rule - When a guy pretends he's a chick and stands in front of the mirror (ACS)
My #2 Pencil Is Out Of Lead - Another term for erectile dysfunction (ACS)
Float A Bond - When a politician farts (RD)
Vaginismus - black people's holiday, accompanied with a lot of ceremonial garb (ADS)
Vaseline and Gauze - Elizabeth Taylor's new scent (ACS)
Jewber - A drunk on a 10-speed (ACS)
Chickpea - What Gina does when we camp (ACS)
Oscar Squad (2) - Bad gay code (ACS)
Airbus - Worst name for an aircraft. Sounds like “air donkey” (AOTH)
Shailene Woodley - Sounds like the most fantastical verb/adverb combo. “I want to Shailene Woodley through a field of poppies with you” (Gina) (Twitter)
Asshole Rider (2) - Worst piece of exercise equipment Vinnie’s ever endorsed (ACS)
Diario La Prensa - Stealer of the jersey in Spanish (ACS)
The Sicilian Fly Swatter - Sounds like a WWF move (Gina) (ACS)
Jellyfish - Sounds like something your grandpa would buy for you at the mall (ACS)
Fruit Fly - More politically correct term for fag hag (Show?)
Jewgling - When a Jew "Googles" their symptoms (ACS)
Tavares - David Wild's boner medicine (ACS)
Jew -Over - A mulligan from a barmitzva. "Uh, I misread that...can I get a Jew-over?" (ACS)
Ossified - That's a Don King word, there (ACS)
Zero for Cecil - Worst charity ever (Bald Bryan) (ACS)
A++ - A bra that Gina will never see (ACS)
Joycelyn - A good name for Curly from the Three Stooges to say (ACS)
Phallisee - Latin for "to see the penis" (ADS)
Coffee Nap - Euphemism for pooping in your pants (ACS)
USS Monitor - Doesn't sound like a ship of war, sounds like a night nurse (ACS)
Dotard - A skirt a man wears (ACS)
Wilding- Something derogatory that takes place in public pools in certain counties (ACS)
Caveat - Latin for shitting on Adam's point (ADS)
Festiva - Sounds like a boner medicine (ACS)
Depeche Mode - French for “who dealt it?” (ADS)
Beefy Clutch – The purse Gina thought Lady Gaga took to the Emmy’s (ACS)
Sig Sauer - Something you would yell at Oktoberfest before downing a stiff stein of stout (ACS)
Jeans day – Sounds like the special day for your special need son Gene, to raise money (ACS)
Wilding - What takes place in public pools in certain counties (GS)
4F - Can’t/won’t be eligible for the draft (ACS)
Groupie - a kind of fish (ACS)
The African chick - Horrible name for a boat (ACS)
Inclusion rider - Snowboard for retarded kids (ACS)
The Urethra - Bad name for a car (ACS)
Mercury retrograde - when you take your index finger and shove it under your sack before you blow, and you belch it up later (ACS)
UEFA - Transsexuals playing soccer with a balled up maxi pad (GS)
Missed Connections- The worst airline ever (ACS)
Carollo - Sounds like a Tool you’d use rarely (ACS)
Brembo - that Mexican food company that makes that bread (Matt) (ACS)
Preemptive gay strike - Worst video game ever (ADS)
Futon - Chinese for bear trap (ACS)
Sexual Battery - Batteries especially made for sexual devices. Somewhere between AA and C (ACS)

Food/Drinks

Deer Bits - A venison cereal. Made of frosted deer flakes (Show?)
Coco Chanel - Nestlé’s newest coffee flavor (ACS)
Honey Dicks - Best cereal name ever (ACS)
Dawson's Beard - A pudding flavor Ace saw at Whole Foods (ACS)
Mighty Mutts - Worst breakfast cereal ever (ADS)
Chillax - A cinnamon based drink from "Hector's" country (ACS)
Black Dick - An English desert (ACS)
Tardy Digression - Sounds like a finger food..."would you like another tardy digression?" "No, I'm saving room for the main meal" (IFYWABC)
Double Bird Strike - Mixed drink created by Ace and Teresa. Made with Grey Goose, Wild Turkey, a splash of Canadian Club, and a splash of Hudson River water (ACS)
GAYtorade - A sports drink for gay people, because they lose essential body fluids (ACS)
University of Illinois At Urbana Champaign - Sounds like a carbonated drink for black people (ACS)
Flinch Fuck - Part of a nutritious breakfast, and a healthy relationship (ADS)
Phantom Punch - Something Bill Cosby gave his lady friends (ACS)
Pansy Sauce - Goes good with some shrimp (ADS)
Tilted Pillar - Kick ass IPA (AOTH)
Shaver - A good name for a miniature pastrami sandwich (Cousin Sal Show)
GPA - Something they add to children's cereal (ACS)
Stellwell's - A new low fat snack cracker (ACS)
Conchata Ferrell - A great cheese/unwanted cat (ACS)
Poopwell's - One of the worst snacks Nabisco has ever put their name on (ACS)
Belldini – Latest Taco Bell offering (ACS)
Fuzzy Zoeller – Zima with a jigger of peach schnapps (ACS)
Millennial Malaise - A sweet honey dipping sauce (ADS)
Jelani Cobb - Sounds like an Indian dish (Gina) (ACS)
Air Doodle - The very worst Super Bowl snack on the planet (ACS)
Faygala - Jewish sports drink (ACS)
Stroke Cane - Sounds like some sugary treat, mixed with a reach around (ACS)
The Silence Breakers (2) - good name for a mint (ACS)
Lesbian Squirt - Sponsor of the Dinah Shore Classic (ACS)
Son of Goose - Worst vodka ever. Comes in a plastic squeeze bottle (ACS)
Orange Hitler - Worst Hi-C flavor ever (ACS)

TV Shows/Movies

Cunt du' Jour - A great Bond villain name (ACS)
Coffee and Donuts - (Charlie Coffee III and Johnny Donetti) Johnny's a tough street wise cop whose jive talking and plays by his own rules and Charlie's super uptight (LL)
Pedoph Isle (aka) Pedophile Island - All pedophiles are sent to live on an isolated island, and a 747 full of Boy Scouts crash lands there and they have to fight to survive (Also a place) (ACS)
Anus and Eyeball - Buddy cop TV show duo (ACS)
Pussy Pioneer - John Candy's last movie (ACS)
Red Velvet - Made up movie character Clown played by Paul Giamatti. "Was secret service, and someone died on his watch. Now he's takin to clownin'." Wears a red velvet clown outfit. (ACS)
Destination Of The Semen - (Adam Ray) A movie Harrison Ford passed on twice (ACS)
Gay Eye - Movie where Adam plays Buddy McKlan, a racist homophobic mechanic who is blinded in a freak hot transmission fluid accident. He gets the donor eyes from a gay guy who perished on a moped accident in Antigua. Co-starring Larry the Cable Guy as his best friend. (Co-written by Bryan Cranston) (ACS)
Grinders - Sitcom where Jon Gruden moves in with Johnny Manziel (ACS)
Squishy Red River - Movie that started John Wayne (Show?)
Gusset And Cable - Perfect Cop buddy duo team (AOTH)
Just One Of The Gays - Stars Shia LaBeouf (ACS)
Hard Impact - Sounds like a Van Damme movie from the 90's (ACS)
Hammer Pants And Ice - Worst cop detective duo from the 80's (ACS)
Living With The Kilowatts - Adam's new animated series where they just leave toaster ovens on all day (ACS)
Keep Calm And Rape A Lot - Worst Monty Python film ever (ACS)
Medical Mishaps - New show Dave Coulier and Tawny Kitaen could host (ACS)
Roaming With Bison - Another great Bill Murray movie (ACS)
Gainesville Florida Financial Planner - Sounds like a Saturday Night Live skit (ACS)
Blame the Bee Gees - Adam's next documentary (ACS)
Adam Knees Your Dad In The Nuts - Adam's new game show (ACS)
Navigeddon - Terrorists take over all of the GPS systems of cars, and send them careening into the Grand Canyon (ACS)
Rings Of Honor - Terrorists take over Olympic training facility in Colorado Springs, and the athletes have to use their individual skills to escape. (Cameo by Randy Couture as the salty old coach) (ACS)
Endless Time/Ample Time For Backup - Adam's new Netflix series (ACS)
Tarred n' Feathered - Buddy flick starring a retarded guy and an Indian chief (Show?)
Mr. Will Doo And Can Doo - PSA Motivational cartoon bathroom characters Will Doo (Played by Will Arnette) and Can Doo is shaped like a toilet. Filmed in kitschy Clutch Cargo style animation (ADS)
Robot Lawyer - Great Phil Hartman bit (ACS)
Umpire News Network - Adam's channel with umpires reporting. Unbiased reporting (ACS)
Sofa Tard - New CW show coming soon (Matt) (AOTH)
Junior Fantasy Island - Show where kids of reckless parents are shipped off to live with Bill Cosby and Felicia Rashad (ADS)
2 And A Half Denali's - Hasn't been same since Sheen left (ACS)
So Kanye - Sitcom from the 90's (ACS)
Ridicuopothy - Sounds like a Mike Judge movie (ADS)
Master Buck - One of John Candy's most controversial movies (ACS)
LA HOTT (1) - An 80’s bar with an outdoor door seating area (ACS)
Mother Hitler - Coming to TNT. Starring Patrick Swayze's bother, Don (ACS)
Sink and Bounce - Movie about roller boogie from the 80's, starred Lil' Bow Wow (ACS)
The Debs - A made up CW network show where you just put all the hot chicks in Hollywood (ACS)
The Origin Story Of AIDS - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan)(ACS)
Everybody Hates Vinnie - Horrible sitcom (ACS)
Chick Clan - Good movie title (ACS)
Condo in Redondo - Best movie I ever did (ADS)
Red Lobsteria - New show Dr. Drew was talking about where African Americans form their own country (ACS)
Earthquake rehab - Reality show Dr. drew seismic expert and a civil engineer come together (Rainn Wilson) (ACS)
Rooster Jones - Great John Wayne movie. Super Fly meets True Grit (ACS)
Ernest Bigot goes to..... (ACS)
Nickels On The Job - First and only Jewish gum shoe on the job. ABC, Friday nights, 10:00 p.m. (ADS)
Solicitor General - Great Danny Kaye movie (RD)
Disjointed - Lorena Bobbitt biopic (ADS)
Habib and Company - Horrible children's show (MS)
Bobby's Room - Howie Mandel animated project from the 90's (ACS)
Page/Savage - Great cop duo show from the ‘80’s (Adam Ray) (ACS)
Paper Asshole - Great Tatum O’Neal film (ACS)
L.A. HOTT (2) - Failed Steven Bochco series pilot (ACS)
Pieces Of String Too Small To Use - Lena Dunham film from the late 90’s (ACS)
Oscar Squad - New Marvel Movie (Gina) (ACS)
Cortron/Melamine - Transformers (Gina) (ACS)
Anoscope - Worst way to see a movie (ADS)
Practical Rapist - New SNL character (Gina) (ACS)
Superfoot - Worst Marvel movie ever (Bryan) (ACS)
Celebrity Food Chain - Would be a great show (Jeff Cesario) (ACS)
Backsack and Anus - Worst cop duo ever (RS)
Korean moyle - ABC’s next sitcom (Jeff) ACS
Nanny Huntin ‘with Ted Nugent - Great reality show I’d watch (ACS)
Progressive pope - New sitcom (Gina) ACS
Nick Mancuso: Construction Fluffer - New TV Show (AONT)
Rush Blitzer - Adam’s character from his movie, “Snapper” (BSR)
The Baldwin’s and Beyond -Great reality show (RD)
The Rogue Deuce - The next Star Wars movie (ADS)
Mr. Goodbar To The Rescue - Ace loves that movie (ACS)
Wrestling Squatters - New show on YouTube Red starring Eric Stromer (AOTH)

Books/Coffee Table Books

Dade County Black Prom, 1985 (ACS)
Here Are The Pajamas We Picture You In (ACS)
Three Shitty Homes, One Washing Machine, Zero Dryers - Title of Adam's new book (Ray) (AOTH)
Chapstick And Batteries - Title of Adam's next bestselling book (ACS)
Who The Fuck Put Their Sombrero on My Keys? – Title of Adam’s next book (ACS)
Cunt With A Grunt - Adam's favorite Dr. Seuss book (PM)
You'll Never See A Cockroach Jog (PM)
Kemo Skinny Calves - Adam's new children's book (ADS)
You're Dyslexic And I'm Dumb - Adam and John Popper's collaborative next book (ACS)
I Get It If You’re GWAR - Adam's next book (ACS)
Bulk Magazine - Costco magazine that Jimmy Kimmell graced the cover of twice (ACS)
Do You Have To Take Your Top Off To Dye Your Pubes, Drew? (LL)
Glamping With Moriah - Adam's new book (ACS)
From The Mouths of Babes (Hot Chicks Not Babies) (ACS)
(The) Sweet Spot - Adam's next book (Bryan) (ACS)
I Thought Things Would Be Better When I Was Rich (ACS)
Radio Station Kitchen (ACS)
Post-it Notes In Radio Station Kitchens (ACS)
Comedy Club Green Rooms And The Sofas That Were Not Made For Them (ACS)
Jethro, the Mexican Jew - A great children's book (Gina) (ACS)
Professor and the Construction Worker -The worst children's book ever (ACS)
Willie and the Weed - Good name for a children's book (ACS)
What Black People Think White People Complain About (ACS)
Everyone Eventually Becomes The Man (ACS)
Recipe for Misery (1) - Name Of Adam’s next book (ACS)
In Defense Of Black Face - Adam’s next book (ACS)
Hurry Up And Make Sense (2) - Biography title of the Talking Heads (ACS)

Native American Names

Chief Thunderbear (LL)
Dances With Cocks (ACS)
Dances With Lipstick (ACS)
Ol' Urethra Windows (ACS)
Oxnard - Indian name meaning the balls of a bull (ACS)

V/P Names

Absorbent Rag - Good name for T's V (ACS)
Hurt Locker - Another name for T's V (ACS)
Judge's Mansion - Another name for T's G
Cmarket.com - Another name for T's V (ACS)
City of Industry - Another name for T's V (ACS)
Dutch Mook - Another name for T's V (ACS)s V
No Safe Spaces - Great name for T's V (ACS)
Hobo Stove - Another name for A's V (ACS)
Sausage Grinder - Another name for A's V (ACS)
Dixville Notch - Another name for G's V (ACS)
Snake River Canyon - Another name for G's V (ACS)
Dakota Access Pipeline - Another name for G's V (ACS)
The Holidome - Another name for G’s V (ACS)
Discovery Bay - Great name for G's V (ACS)
B.O. Box - Great name for G's V (ACS)
Sea bag - Good name for G's V (ACS)
El Portal - Great name for G's V (ACS)
Harry Belafonte - Adam's name for his junk, if he were a woman (Show?)
Top Gear - Another name for Adam’s junk (ACS)
El Gordo/King Taco - Good name for G’s V (ACS)
Port of Karachi - Good name for G’s V (ACS)
submitted by Texas1971 to AdamCarolla [link] [comments]


2017.06.11 17:11 feedreddit BREAKING: TRUMP to delay UK trip -- FIRST IN PLAYBOOK: Aug. recess in jeopardy -- ISENSTADT: MITT shows signs of political revival -- SPOTTED at Mike Shields/Katie Walsh engagement party -- B’DAY: Greta van Susteren

BREAKING: TRUMP to delay UK trip -- FIRST IN PLAYBOOK: Aug. recess in jeopardy -- ISENSTADT: MITT shows signs of political revival -- SPOTTED at Mike Shields/Katie Walsh engagement party -- B’DAY: Greta van Susteren
by [email protected] (Daniel Lippman) via POLITICO - TOP Stories
URL: http://ift.tt/2rP8bod
FIRST IN PLAYBOOK -- WE HEAR … There is a chance Congress will stay in session for part of August. There has been political pressure from some members of the House and Senate to stay in town and try to get some things done instead of take a five-week recess. The pressure will only increase if the Obamacare repeal and replace isn’t done in the next few weeks. Congress has just 27 days in session until the summer break. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise: many lawmakers have had to face angry constituents on trips home.
STATEMENTS FROM PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP from Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey -- at 8:22 a.m.: “The #FakeNews MSM doesn’t report the great economic news since Election Day. #DOW up 16%. #NASDAQ up 19.5%. Drilling & energy sector......way up. Regulations way down. 600,000+ new jobs added. Unemployment down to 4.3%. Business and economic enthusiasm way up- record levels!” … at 8:29 a.m.: “I believe the James Comey leaks will be far more prevalent than anyone ever thought possible. Totally illegal? Very ‘cowardly!’” … at 8:49 a.m.: “The Democrats have no message, not on economics, not on taxes, not on jobs, not on failing #Obamacare. They are only OBSTRUCTIONISTS!”
-- TWO QUICK THINGS: Many Democrats will privately agree with Trump that they oftentimes lack a coherent message. But Trump’s presidency has unified Democrats for the first time in a long time … Trump has majorities in the House and Senate, and he’s blaming Democrats for obstructing him.
**SUBSCRIBE to Playbook:http://politi.co/2lQswbh
BREAKING OVERSEAS -- TRUMP PUTS OFF U.K. VISIT -- THE GUARDIAN: “Donald Trump’s state visit to Britain put on hold: U.S. president told Theresa May he did not want trip to go ahead if there were large-scale public protests”: “Donald Trump has told Theresa May in a phone call he does not want to go ahead with a state visit to Britain until the British public supports him coming. The U.S. president said he did not want to come if there were large-scale protests and his remarks in effect put the visit on hold for some time. The call was made in recent weeks, according to a Downing Street adviser who was in the room. The statement surprised May, according to those present.” http://bit.ly/2reskVQ
Good Sunday morning. Jake will be on Steve Hilton’s new Fox News show “The Next Revolution” live from Los Angeles tonight at 9 p.m. East Coast time.
TRUMP stopped by a wedding at his country club in New Jersey last night. http://bit.ly/2t98Uhy
YOU’LL HEAR THIS QUOTE A LOT -- Donald Trump Jr. on Fox News, via the Washington Post: “‘When he tells you to do something, guess what? There’s no ambiguity in it, there’s no, ‘Hey, I’m hoping,'’ Trump said. ‘You and I are friends: ‘Hey, I hope this happens, but you’ve got to do your job.’ That’s what he told Comey. And for this guy as a politician to then go back and write a memo: ‘Oh, I felt threatened.’ He felt so threatened -- but he didn’t do anything.’ Trump also said that Comey’s testimony ‘vindicated’ the president and that everything in it was ‘basically ridiculous.’” http://wapo.st/2t9eJf5
ALEX ISENSTADT in DEER VALLEY, UTAH -- “Romney stokes speculation he’s weighing another political run: The 2012 GOP nominee is plotting how to help Republicans in the midterms, and he’s being coy about his own political future”: “Mitt Romney is once again testing his political power — critiquing President Donald Trump, raising money and campaigning for fellow Republicans, and not ruling out another run for office for himself. The 2012 GOP nominee is returning to the spotlight, six months after Trump -- the man Romney once savaged as unfit for the presidency -- nearly picked him to be secretary of state. …
“Spencer Zwick, a longtime Romney adviser and political gatekeeper, said he’d been inundated with appeals from Republican candidates asking the former GOP nominee to help them. Last week, Romney held his first fundraiser for a 2018 hopeful, an event benefiting Arizona Sen. Jeff Flake, a Republican who has been fiercely critical of the president. Over the coming days, Romney is also expected to release a robo-call boosting Georgia Republican Karen Handel, who has been losing ground in a high-stakes June 20 special House election she had once been favored to win.
“‘All I can tell you is that the number of requests that Mitt has gotten in the last month to come to a district or to come to a state for a sitting senator — it’s like he’s a presidential candidate again, which I was surprised by,’ said Zwick, who doubles as a top political aide to House Speaker Paul Ryan. ‘There are only so many people in the party that can headline these things.’” http://politi.co/2rZkZ9X
-- THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE between Republicans wanting to take advantage of Romney’s fundraising prowess, and his running for office and garnering the support he needs to win.
SUNDAY BEST -- JOHN DICKERSON speaks with SEN. JAMES LANKFORD (R-OKLA.) on CBS’S “FACE THE NATION” -- DICKERSON: “On the question of influencing the investigation, again, thinking about the scale, on the one hand the president might have done something that was a little bit crossing a line but he’s a new guy to the job all the way to this question of obstruction of justice. Where do you put, knowing what you know about the president’s behavior, where do you put what he did on that scale?” LANKFORD: “I would say it’s very inappropriate. As Jim Comey said, it’s awkward to be able to have the president of the United States sitting down with someone in the F.B.I., the leadership of the F.B.I., to be able to have direct questions. And for the issue to come up about the Michael Flynn investigations, inappropriate. But the way that it was handled, with no follow-up, with no other press, with no other return to that topic, it looks like what I called a pretty light touch. If this is trying to interfere in a process of any investigation, it doesn’t seem like it was number one, very effective, and number two, came up more than once in a conversation. So this looks more like an inappropriate conversation than obstruction.”
-- SEN. JACK REED (D-R.I.) tells CHRIS WALLACE on “FOX NEWS SUNDAY” that Trump needs to be deposed on all Russia-related questions -- “[T]he deposition is not just about his conversations with Mr. Comey. There are issues with respect to his conversation with director of national intelligence Dan Coats, Admiral Rogers, the NSA director, his relationships with Manafort. By the time the special prosecutor Mr. Mueller is ready to depose or ask the president to speak under oath, there are a myriad of questions. So what I don’t want to see is simply, we’ll I just said I talk about Comey, I’m not talking about anything else. To resolve this situation he has to be prepared to speak on all these matters.”
-- PREET BHARARA speaks to GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS on ABC’S “THIS WEEK” -- STEPHANOPOULOS: “The president’s defenders, like Alan Dershowitz, say there’s no grounds for obstruction. You talked about that. And he, in fact, says that presidents have the constitutional right to fire FBI directors and investigations as much as they want. One of the president’s attorneys, Jay Sekulow, is coming up next. He says there’s no there there, no basis for obstruction. You’re a former prosecutor. Are -- is there evidence there ... to begin a case for obstruction?” BHARARA: “I think there’s absolutely evidence to begin a case. I think it’s very important for all sorts of armchair speculators in the law to be clear that no one knows right now whether there is a provable case of obstruction. It’s also true I think from based on what I see as a third party and out of government that there’s no basis to say there’s no obstruction.”
-- SEN. SUSAN COLLINS (R-Maine) talks to BRIANNA KEILAR on CNN’s “STATE OF THE UNION” -- KEILAR: “I want to ask you about something the president has been cagey about, and that is these tapes, of course. So, I wonder if you would support issuing a subpoena to the White House. Right now, it’s just a request coming from Congress. Would you support issuing a subpoena for the recordings or any documents that might come from that?” COLLINS: “This is an issue that the president should have cleared up in his press conference. He should give a straight yes or no to the answer -- to the question of whether or not the tapes exist. And he should voluntarily turn them over not only to the Senate Intelligence Committee, but to the special counsel. So, I don’t think a subpoena should be necessary. And I don’t understand why the president just doesn’t clear this matter up once and for all.”
THE NEXT MAIN EVENT -- “Sessions will testify before Senate in Russia investigation,” by Kyle Cheney and John Bresnahan: “In a letter to his former colleagues in the House and Senate, Sessions canceled a planned appearance before Congress’ appropriations committees. Sessions said he instead plans to appear on Tuesday before the Intelligence panel to respond to questions stemming from FBI director James Comey’s bombshell testimony last Thursday. …
“If this is an open session ... Sessions will likely face a barrage of questions over his role in Comey’s dismissal, his independence from President Donald Trump, and allegations of additional unreported meetings with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak. Sessions has already recused himself from the Russia probe after failing to tell the Senate Judiciary Committee during his confirmation of two meetings with Kislyak, and there have been reports of additional sessions.” http://politi.co/2rOVc5P
-- SEN. DIANNE FEINSTEIN (D-CALIF.) told Brianna Keilar on “State of the Union” that she didn’t know if the hearing will be open.
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW -- “What’s next for Comey? Maybe law, corporate work, politics,” by AP’s Eric Tucker: “So what’s next for James Comey? The former FBI director boldly challenged the president who fired him, accused the Trump administration of lying and supplied material that could be used to build a case against President Donald Trump. But after stepping away from the Capitol Hill spotlight, where he’s always seemed comfortable, the 56-year-old veteran lawman now confronts the same question long faced by Washington officials after their government service.
“His dry quip at a riveting Senate hearing that he was ‘between opportunities’ vastly understates the career prospects now available to him — not to mention potential benefits from the public’s fascination with a man who has commanded respect while drawing outrage from both political parties.” http://apne.ws/2sQlkMb
EYE-POPPING NUMBERS FROM WAPO’S KAREN TUMULTY in SANDY SPRINGS, GEORGIA -- “Trump looms over Georgia special election, a proxy battle for 2018”: “It is an arms race of money and organization. The latest fundraising report, filed Thursday, showed Ossoff raising an additional $15 million in the past two months, nearly quadruple what Handel brought in. With outside groups weighing in, the race has thus far cost more than $40 million -- far outpacing the previous record for a congressional race of nearly $30 million for a Florida contest in 2012.
“Polls indicate there are few voters still undecided. ‘The next 10 days are about turning out the base. There are more of us than them in the district. The more people who vote, the better,’ said Corry Bliss, who heads the Congressional Leadership Fund, a super PAC affiliated with House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.). That organization alone plans to spend about $7 million in the race.” http://wapo.st/2rjhPM4
FASCINATING READ -- “Palantir goes from Pentagon outsider to Mattis’ inner circle,” by Jacqueline Klimas and Bryan Bender: “The Trump era has brought a change of fortune for a Silicon Valley software company founded by presidential adviser Peter Thiel — turning it from a Pentagon outcast to a player with three allies in Defense Secretary Jim Mattis' inner circle. At least three Pentagon officials close to Mattis, including his deputy chief of staff and a longtime confidante, either worked, lobbied or consulted for Palantir Technologies, according to ethics disclosures obtained by POLITICO. That’s an unusually high number of people from one company to have such daily contact with the Pentagon leader, some analysts say.
“It also represents a sharp rise in prominence for the company, which just months ago could barely get a meeting in the Pentagon. Last year, Palantir even had to go to court to force its way into a competition for a lucrative Army contract. Thiel was one of the only Silicon Valley titans to openly support Trump during the campaign, a role that gave him a prime speaking slot at last summer’s Republican convention. He has since acted as a key adviser arranging meetings among the president and other tech executives. While there's no evidence he had a direct hand in these specific Pentagon hires, analysts say they absolutely show his growing influence in the administration, where he holds no formal role.” http://politi.co/2sqMdbS
DEMOCRATS’ NEW PLAYBOOK -- “Democrats bet on Trump in Virginia governor’s race,” by Kevin Robillard: “Virginia’s Democratic primary on Tuesday is shaping up to be the first real test of liberalism in the Trump era, with both candidates lurching for increasingly leftward policies to position themselves in contrast with President Donald Trump. …
“Virginia’s gubernatorial elections often develop into contrasts with a new president, but there’s a stark difference between now and how Republican candidate Bob McDonnell handled then-President Barack Obama in 2009. While critical of the Obama's economic record, the future governor also regularly praised Obama for supporting school choice, straddling the partisan divide. The Democrats have felt no need to do the same with the less popular Trump, whose approval rating was at 36 percent in a recent Washington Post-George Mason University poll of Virginia.” http://politi.co/2rjHzYJ
THE LATEST ON HEALTH CARE -- “Fate of Planned Parenthood funding tied to Senate moderates,” by Jen Haberkorn: “Two female Senate Republicans could stop the anti-abortion movement from achieving its most significant win against Planned Parenthood in decades. Most Republicans want to eliminate the group’s $555 million in federal funding as part of their bill to repeal Obamacare. But as Majority Leader Mitch McConnell tries to solve the legislative Rubik’s Cube of finding 50 votes for repeal, he may have to drop the Planned Parenthood cut to win the support of the two Republican moderates, Sens. Susan Collins of Maine and Lisa Murkowski of Alaska.” http://politi.co/2sbbpTf
WHAT SILICON VALLEY IS READING -- “Uber Board to Discuss CEO Travis Kalanick’s Possible Leave of Absence: Board also set to vote on recommendations from a report of an investigation into workplace issues,” by WSJ’s Greg Bensinger: “Uber Technologies Inc. Chief Executive Travis Kalanick will discuss taking a possible leave of absence when the board of directors of the embattled ride-hailing company meets Sunday morning, according to a person familiar with the matter.
“Also on the agenda when the seven-person board convenes is a vote on a series of recommendations from a report prepared by former U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder regarding its workplace. It was uncertain whether Mr. Kalanick would ultimately take the leave or whether the board would approve of such a measure, which would require finding a temporary replacement in short order.” http://on.wsj.com/2r7Ram8
THE JUICE …
-- SPOTTED at Mitt Romney’s E2 Summit in Deer Valley, Utah: New Hampshire Gov. Chris Sununu, Spencer Zwick, Matt Waldrip, Corry Bliss, Speaker Paul Ryan, Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.), Kristen Soltis Anderson, Ron Kaufman, Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah), Anthony Scaramucci, Bianna Golodryga, Will Ritter, Mary Bono Mack, Lanhee Chen, Leah Malone and Andrew Liveris.
RIP -- @SecondLady: “Rest in peace Oreo. You touched a lot of hearts in your little life. Our family will miss you very much.” http://bit.ly/2sgQOxR
‘WORKFORCE DEVELOPMENT WEEK’ AT THE WHITE HOUSE -- “Donald and Ivanka Trump head to Wisconsin for jobs push,” by ABC News’ Jordyn Phelps: “President Donald Trump and his daughter Ivanka Trump are set to travel to Wisconsin Tuesday to join Gov. Scott Walker to tour a technical college, as the administration puts a renewed focus on its goal of job creation. The trip is just one event in a week full of activities built around promoting technical skills training and apprenticeships. [They are d]ubbing it ‘workforce development week’ ...
“The president is expected to make what the administration is billing as a ‘major policy speech’ at the Department of Labor on Wednesday, in which he’ll lay out steps the administration will take to encourage workforce development and also call for Congressional action. Ivanka Trump will also lead a roundtable with some 15 CEOs. On Thursday, the president will also host a roundtable discussion, where he will welcome eight governors from states with successful workforce development programs to the White House.” http://abcn.ws/2r7tOwT
THE NEW U.K. POLITICAL REALITY -- “For Britain, Political Stability Is a Quaint Relic,” by NYT’s Steven Erlanger in London: “In a little more than two years, Britain has had two general elections and a nationwide referendum. Each time, the politicians, pollsters, betting markets, political scientists and commentators have got it wrong.
“Once considered one of the most politically stable countries in the world, regularly turning out majority governments, Britain is increasingly confusing and unpredictable, both to its allies and itself. Far from settling the fierce divisions exposed by last year’s referendum on Britain’s exit from the European Union, or Brexit, the election on Thursday only made them worse.” http://nyti.ms/2shhy1i
-- THE POLITICO EUROPE TICK TOCK: “How Theresa May lost it: A reluctance to delegate, hubris and campaigning ineptitude ruined British prime minister’s grand plan to secure a mandate,” by Tom McTague, Charlie Cooper and Annabelle Dickson in London: “Halfway through Britain’s seven-week snap election campaign, some in Theresa May’s team came to the conclusion that they had a problem — the candidate. At a gathering of senior staff in Conservative campaign headquarters in central London, one of May’s top operatives told the sitting prime minister that she risked crashing and burning like Sarah Palin did in 2008. ... To the operative, May was overly controlling and her inexperience would tell during a short, intense campaign. May listened with good grace ... [but] changed nothing.” http://politi.co/2t8VuSG
ACTUAL FAKE NEWS – NYT A22, “A Pro-Trump Conspiracy Theorist, a False Tweet and a Runaway Story,” by Jeremy Peters: “A pro-Trump activist notorious for his amateur sleuthing into red herrings like the ‘Pizzagate’ hoax and a conspiracy theory involving the murder of a Democratic aide, Mr. Posobiec wrote on May 17 that Mr. Comey, the recently ousted F.B.I. director, had ‘said under oath that Trump did not ask him to halt any investigation.’ …
“But as the journey of that one tweet shows, misinformed, distorted and false stories are gaining traction far beyond the fringes of the internet. Just 14 words from Mr. Posobiec’s Twitter account would spread far enough to provide grist for a prime-time Fox News commentary and a Rush Limbaugh monologue that reached millions of listeners, forging an alternative first draft of history in corners of the conservative media where President Trump’s troubles are often explained away as fabrications by his journalist enemies.
“In this fragmented media environment, the spread of false information is accelerated and amplified by a web of allied activist-journalists with large online followings, a White House that grants them access and, occasionally, a president who validates their work. The right-wing media machine that President Bill Clinton’s aides once referred to as ‘conspiracy commerce’ is now far more mature, extensive and, in the internet age, tough to counter.” http://nyti.ms/2sbduPm
DEEP DIVES -- NYT A1, “Opioid Dealers Embrace the Dark Web to Send Deadly Drugs by Mail: Anonymous online sales are surging, and people are dying. Despite dozens of arrests, new merchants — many based in Asia — quickly pop up,” by Nathaniel Popper (print headline: “Drug Trade Rises in Dark Corners of the Internet”): “As the nation’s opioid crisis worsens, the authorities are confronting a resurgent, unruly player in the illicit trade of the deadly drugs, one that threatens to be even more formidable than the cartels. The internet. In a growing number of arrests and overdoses, law enforcement officials say, the drugs are being bought online. Internet sales have allowed powerful synthetic opioids such as fentanyl — the fastest-growing cause of overdoses nationwide — to reach living rooms in nearly every region of the country, as they arrive in small packages in the mail.” http://nyti.ms/2t91CdL
--“China’s New Bridges: Rising High, but Buried in Debt: China has built hundreds of dazzling new bridges, including the longest and highest, but many have fostered debt and corruption,” by NYT’s Chris Buckley: “The eye-popping structures have slashed travel times in some areas, made business easier and generated a sizable slice of the country’s economy, laying a foundation, in theory at least, for decades of future growth. But as the bridges and the expressways they span keep rising, critics say construction has become an end unto itself. Fueled by government-backed loans and urged on by the big construction companies and officials who profit from them, many of the projects are piling up debt and breeding corruption while producing questionable transportation benefits.” http://nyti.ms/2t9er7I
BONUS GREAT WEEKEND READS, curated by Daniel Lippman:
--“Bob Dylan’s Nobel Lecture”: “Some of these same things have happened to you. You too have had drugs dropped into your wine. You too have shared a bed with the wrong woman. You too have been spellbound by sweet voices with strange melodies. You too have come so far and have been so far blown back.” http://bit.ly/2rULMnO
--“How the D-Day Invasion Was Planned” – in the August 1944 issue of Popular Mechanics: “Every one of the thousands of men landed in France required about 10 ship tons of overall equipment, and an additional ship ton every 30 days. The number of separate items needed was about a million. Some of these million items had to be accumulated in millions, resulting in astronomical totals.” http://bit.ly/2smaY97
--“Eternal Champions,” by Sam Borden in ESPN: “Seven months ago, Brazilian underdogs Chapecoense boarded a plane to play in the game of their lives. Instead, their biggest moment turned into a tragedy no one can forget.” http://es.pn/2r9Y3aB (h/t Longform.org)
--“Inside Trump’s secretive immigration court: far from scrutiny and legal aid,” by The Guardian’s Oliver Laughland in Jena, Louisiana: “[T]he remote LaSalle detention facility is part of Trump’s attempt to fast-track deportations. A visit reveals a hastily arranged setup beset by flaws.” http://bit.ly/2scNvHQ
--“Rolling Stone at 50: How Hunter S. Thompson Became a Legend,” by Patrick Doyle in Rolling Stone – per The Browser’s description: “Sports Illustrated asked Hunter S. Thompson for 250 words about a Las Vegas motorbike race. He gave them 2,500 words — and when they spiked the piece he took it to Rolling Stone, which wanted more. The result was Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas, published in 1971. Thompson’s coverage of the 1972 presidential campaign ‘reshaped what it meant to write about politics’. But ‘getting work out of him was becoming difficult”. Editing him ‘was a bit like being a cornerman for Ali.’” http://rol.st/2smiHEk
--“Weddings of the 0.01 Percent,” by Julia Rubin in Racked: “Cristal! Caviar! Chris Martin! How the rich (and sometimes famous) get married.” http://bit.ly/2smtvCz
--“The truth about tarot,” by James McConnachie in Aeon Magazine: “Whether divining ancient wisdoms or elevating the art of cold reading, tarot is a form of therapy, much like psychoanalysis.” http://bit.ly/2sL1XDY (h/t ALDaily.com)
--“The Worst Ever First Day on the Job -- Punching In: My Life as a Long Haul Trucker,” by Finn Murphy in Literary Hub: “Moving companies perform four categories of moving work: local, commercial, long-distance, and international. Callahan’s work was mostly local moving, loading up someone’s house in the morning and then unloading in the afternoon at the new house. It takes the greatest toll on the body because you are handling stuff every working day. It’s the local stuff that eventually kills you or drives you to drink; more commonly, both.” http://bit.ly/2s4Nuoy
--“There Were Once Jews Here,” by Lucette Lagnado, author of “The Man in the White Sharkskin Suit: A Jewish Family’s Exodus from Old Cairo to the New World,” in Tablet Magazine: “During the Six-Day War, some of the Arab countries at war with Israel -- Egypt, Tunisia, Libya -- treated their Jewish populations terribly, causing them to leave en masse.” http://bit.ly/2t92OOk ... $10.01 on Amazonhttp://amzn.to/2sbmAeT
--“Dear Brazilian Government, Thanks for the Contracts,” by Michael Smith, Sabrina Valle, and Blake Schmidt on the cover of Bloomberg Businessweek: “There’s graft, and then there’s the graft machine perfected by Odebrecht, one of the world's biggest construction companies.” https://bloom.bg/2rOEHqr … The coverhttp://bit.ly/2rjKL6H
--“‘Kill them, kill them, kill them’: the volunteer army plotting to wipe out Britain’s grey squirrels,” by Patrick Barkham in The Guardian: “The red squirrel is under threat of extinction across Britain. Their supporters believe the only way to save them is to exterminate their enemy: the greys. But are they just prejudiced against non-native species?” http://bit.ly/2re8OE6
--“This County Switched From Backing Obama to Trump. Here’s What Happened,” by Josh Siegel in The Daily Signal: “In 1980, manufacturing jobs comprised 38 percent of all jobs in Coos [New Hampshire]. In 2014, only 7 percent of jobs in the county were in manufacturing. Payroll wages from manufacturing have dropped from 49 percent to 9 percent since the mid-1980s.” http://bit.ly/2sL2A0v
SPOTTED: Secretary of Homeland Security John Kelly enjoying “DHS Night” Friday night at the Nats game along with members of DHS’ workforce – pic http://bit.ly/2rjyfUM... Anson Kaye, partner at GMMB, in New Orleans last night, accepting a Gold ADDY award (and also a Mosaic Award) for the ad “Mirrors” (http://bit.ly/2sbAIEM) he created for Hillary for America
SPOTTED at State Department senior White House adviser Matt Mowers’ birthday party at Wet Dog Tavern last night (which coincidentally also hosted RNC alum Anna Epstein’s birthday party at the same time): Cassie Spodak, Ryan Williams, Zeke Miller, Ben Sparks, Jill Barclay, Phil Elliott, Ethan Zorfas, Ben DeMarzo, Maren Kasper, Michael Kratsios, Kailani Koenig, Tom Dickens, Elise Dietsch Dickens, Eric Jones, Alan He, Andy Polesovsky, Corey Ershow, Kelly Klass, Britt Carter.
SHIELDS/WALSH ENGAGEMENT PARTY -- THE BRITISH EMBASSY hosted an engagement party last night for Mike Shields, former RNC chief of staff and founder and partner at Convergence Media and Katie Walsh, former WH deputy chief of staff and former RNC chief of staff who is now senior advisor at America First Policies. Amb. Kim Darroch toasted the pair and called them the “ultimate political couple” and told the crowd how the couple got engaged in the Cabinet Room at 10 Downing Street, where the prime minister has met with his or her cabinet every week for 250 years. He also needled Mike, who has a British mother and is a big soccer fan, for supporting Ipswich, who he cast as much inferior to Chelsea in the Premier League. The food at the party included: herb-crusted fillet of lamb, goat’s cheese and beetroot, terrine of pork, and chili shrimp while desserts included mini Bakewell tart, strawberry tartlet and passion fruit mousse. Pics of the couplehttp://bit.ly/2sbk3Bphttp://bit.ly/2saWbhk … Reince Priebus taking a pic of the couple as they thanked friends for coming http://bit.ly/2rOGmfz … The crowdhttp://bit.ly/2rOzjDs
SPOTTED: Reince and Sally Priebus, Sean and Rebecca Spicer, Steven Mnuchin and his chief of staff Eli Miller chatting on a walk around the gardens of the embassy, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Rob and Cindy Simms, Cara Mason, Jessica Ditto, Sarah and Dave Armstrong, Tim Pataki, Richard Walters, Rob Jesmer chatting with Sean Cairncross (Sean and Rob have been friends since they were 5 years old growing up in Minnesota), Brian O. Walsh, Josh Pitcock, Mike’s 15-year-old son Aidan Shields-Eads, Molly Donlin, Steven Law, Sam Feist, Mike Allen, Andrew Bremberg, Lew Eisenberg, Madeleine Westerhout, Johnny DeStefano, Renee Hudson, Michael Hoare, Lindsay Walters, Vanessa Morrone and Mike Ambrosini, Zach and Mallory Hunter.
ENGAGED --Andrew Feldman, principal of the progressive communications firm Feldman Strategies, proposed to his longtime girlfriend Megan Salzman Saturday night during Country Music Fest in Nashville. Megan is a communications manager at the early education advocacy group The First Five Years Fund. “Andrew and Megan met on OKCupid nearly four and a half years ago. Andrew points out that the ring has extra significant because the center stone was Megan’s mother’s engagement stone and she is no longer with us.” Pics http://bit.ly/2r7KrIZ ... http://bit.ly/2rOFJTb … The ringhttp://bit.ly/2rjzLGh
-- Jessica Huff, social media director for McClatchy in Dallas and a Politico alum, and Spenser Walters, an area sales rep for Duvel USA, got engaged on Friday night in Austin, Texas. She emails us: “We met in college at UT-Austin after he came back from Afghanistan. He was serving in the Marines. We had the same group of friends but I hadn’t met him yet since he was overseas. Once he was back, one of our first dates was at a restaurant in the hill country in Texas overlooking the lake, and so while visiting Austin he took me back there and proposed during sunset. It’s a very special place to us so it was perfect!” Picshttp://bit.ly/2shqCmX … The ringhttp://bit.ly/2t9rnKO
WEEKEND WEDDINGS -- Travis Considine, communications manager at Uber Texas and a John McCain and Rick Perry alum, married Morgan Smith, a reporter with The Texas Tribune, on Saturday evening at the San Antonio Museum of Art. Guests enjoyed a bluegrass band and flawless weather at the outdoor ceremony and reception. Pichttp://bit.ly/2t9jc1c … Travis’ speechhttp://bit.ly/2sQLqi2
SPOTTED: Tucker and Alexia Bounds, Brittany Bramell, Trevor Theunissen, Chris Miller, Allie Brandenburger and Ryan Mahoney, Kevin Benacci, Emily Ramshaw, Matt and Jen Hirsch, Evan Smith, Perrylanders Rob Johnson, Mark Miner, and Andy Hemming.
OBAMA ALUMNI – Meredith Carden, head of partnerships at Sidewire, got married this weekend to Micah Fergenson, law clerk at U.S. Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit, in a small ceremony at Four Follies Farm in Tiverton, Rhode Island. The couple first met in 2009 when they were working for President Obama. Micah worked in the WH Counsel’s Office, and Meredith worked for FLOTUS in the East Wing. They lost touch, but were reintroduced by a mutual friend in 2015. Pichttp://bit.ly/2sb3PIq
--“Lily Rothman, Elihu Dietz” – N.Y. Times: “Ms. Rothman, 31, is the history and archives editor at Time magazine, overseeing its history coverage, Life.com and the magazine’s digital archive. She also wrote ‘Everything You Need to Ace American History in One Big Fat Notebook.’ She graduated magna cum laude from Yale and received a master’s degree in journalism from the City University of New York. ... Mr. Dietz, 32, is a candidate for a master’s degree in environmental management at the Nicholas School of the Environment at Duke, where he studies the integration of renewable energy into the grid. He graduated from St. John’s College in Santa Fe, N.M. ... The groom is a great-great-grandson and a namesake of Elihu Root, who was President Theodore Roosevelt’s secretary of state and the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize in 1912. He is also a direct descendant of President Ulysses S. Grant. The couple met on a blind date arranged by friends in Brooklyn in 2011.” With pic http://nyti.ms/2rZpO2N
--“Alison Kenworthy, Michael Koenigs”: “The bride and groom work at ABC News in New York, where they met. She is a news producer for ‘Good Morning America.’ He is a senior coordinating producer, creating content that is used on-air and on the website. He was also the host of ‘Election Cycle,’ a series in 2016 that featured him bicycling through swing states and interviewing voters along the way. The bride, 33, graduated from Rutgers. ... Mr. Koenigs, 30, graduated cum laude from Harvard.” With pichttp://nyti.ms/2t8GB2L
--“Julia Pudlin, David Wishnick”: “Ms. Pudlin, 32, worked until earlier this year at the United States Treasury Department as a deputy executive secretary in the chief of staff’s office and a senior adviser to the general counsel. On July 10 she is to begin working as the assistant deputy general counsel for government investigations at Comcast in Philadelphia. She graduated summa cum laude from Yale, and received a law degree magna cum laude from the University of Pennsylvania. ... Mr. Wishnick, also 32, was until recently an associate in the Washington office of Jenner & Block, a Chicago law firm. On July 12 he is to begin a fellowship, conducting research in contract law, at the University of Pennsylvania Law School. He graduated magna cum laude from Brown, and received a law degree from Yale. ... The couple met in April 2013 through the dating app Hinge.” With pichttp://nyti.ms/2rOZSIV
--“Victoria St. Martin, Richard G. Jones”: “The bride, 36, is a general assignment reporter on the local desk of The Washington Post. She graduated from Rutgers and received a master’s degree in journalism from American University. ... The groom, 46, is to become the director of the journalism program at Notre Dame. Until recently, he was an associate editor in news administration for The New York Times, as well as the director of the newspaper’s Student Journalism Institute. He graduated from the University of Delaware and has a master’s degree in journalism from Columbia. ... The couple were introduced in 2006 by a mutual friend in Yardley, Pa.” With pichttp://nyti.ms/2rOtYMA
BIRTHDAYS: Greta Van Susteren, the pride of Appleton, Wisconsin (hat tip: Tammy Haddad) ... Tad Devine, the pride of Providence who lives on Block Island, is 62 ... Kim Oates of the House Radio/TV gallery … Carrie Budoff Brown’s older sister, Jennifer Budoff, budget director for the D.C. City Council ... former Rep. Charles Rangel (D-N.Y.) is 87 … Lindsey Williams Drath ... Jennifer Rubin ... Michael Timmeny, SVP for government and community relations at Cisco ... Jeremy Ben-Ami, president at J Street (h/ts Jon Haber) ... POLITICO’s Reid Pillifant, Emily Dobler and Juliette Medina ... South Dakota Gov. Dennis Daugaard is 64 ... Treasury alum David Cohen ... TJ Adams-Falconer, associate director of external affairs at Axios ... Rep. Mike Conaway (R-Tex.) is 69 ... Cesar Gonzalez, COS for Rep. Mario Diaz-Balart ... former Rep. Rick Renzi (R-Ariz.) is 59 ... DNC comms staffer and former HRC campaign media booker Lucas Acosta (h/t Crystal Carson) ...
... Will Rahn, managing editor for politics at CBS News digital, is 3-0 ... Jessica Franks, gov’t affairs representative for Halliburton ... Politico Europe’s Tanit Parada Tur ... Chris Campbell, Republican staff director at Senate Finance ... Kristina Edmunson ... Rachel Ruskin ... Obama alum Jonathan McBride, now a managing director at BlackRock … Mike Schoenfeld, the Blue Devils’ master of public affairs/Duke’s other Mike … Betsy Gotbaum, former NYC public advocate, is 79 ... Matt Chaban, policy director at Center for an Urban Future ... Mary Kate Cunningham ... Salesforce’s Tom Gavin, an Obama WH OMB alum … Michael Froehlich ... Caroline Barker ... Matthew Campbell ... Vanessa Chan, corporate comms. at Facebook ... Kelly Danielka Peirson ... Google’s Ramya Raghavan ... Tom Alexander, COO at 1871 Chicago and a Rahm alum ... Jacque Vilmain, the pride of Eagle Grove, Iowa(h/t Teresa) ... animal rights activist Ingrid Newkirk is 68 ... Power Playbooker Dr. Oz is 57 ... actor Hugh Laurie is 58 ... Shia LaBeouf is 31 (h/ts AP)
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Shia Labeouf Kills His Sway In The Morning Freestyle '5 ... Shia LaBeouf Steps Out in His Underwear - Spotted in the ... Shia LaBeouf dances to his tunes on bike outing with ex ... Shia LaBeouf on His Benefit Show 'Sacred Spectacle ... Shia LaBeouf's Girlfriend - 2016 [ Mia Goth ] - YouTube Shia LaBeouf Answers Ellen’s ‘Burning Questions’ - YouTube Shia LaBeouf’s Mandated Therapy Led to Autobiographical ... Shia LaBeouf on Playing His Father in Honey Boy, Writing ... Shia Labeouf on David Letterman Full Interview - YouTube

Shia LaBeouf charged with battery and petty - meWATCH

  1. Shia Labeouf Kills His Sway In The Morning Freestyle '5 ...
  2. Shia LaBeouf Steps Out in His Underwear - Spotted in the ...
  3. Shia LaBeouf dances to his tunes on bike outing with ex ...
  4. Shia LaBeouf on His Benefit Show 'Sacred Spectacle ...
  5. Shia LaBeouf's Girlfriend - 2016 [ Mia Goth ] - YouTube
  6. Shia LaBeouf Answers Ellen’s ‘Burning Questions’ - YouTube
  7. Shia LaBeouf’s Mandated Therapy Led to Autobiographical ...
  8. Shia LaBeouf on Playing His Father in Honey Boy, Writing ...
  9. Shia Labeouf on David Letterman Full Interview - YouTube

Ellen not only put Shia LaBeouf in the hot seat to answer some of her “Burning Questions,” she also challenged him to eat a very spicy ghost pepper before pl... 5/9/19 - Well, this isn’t something you see every day. Shia LaBeouf stepped out of his house for a little exercise wearing, well, not much. The Transformers ... Shia Labeouf on David Letterman Full Interview Shia Labeouf on David Letterman Full Interview Shia Labeouf on David Letterman Full Interview david letterman ... 'Thanks For Watching ..!! SUBSCRIBE For More :)' Actor Shia LaBeouf gets some fresh air with ex wife Mia Goth today as the pair go for a fun bike ride. Before the pair took off on their ride, Shia can be se... Shia LaBeouf explained to Ellen that his new autobiographical movie 'Honey Boy' is the result of conversations he had during mandated therapy sessions. The a... Slauson Rec. will work to garner the faith of the neighborhood as an active nucleus where the needs of some of the city's more distressed can confront the id... SUBSCRIBE!!!! Also Like and Share Please :) Follow Elhadj Media on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/?hl=en Shia talks about hating his outfit, writing his new movie Honey Boy while in court-ordered rehab, playing his father in the movie, working with the young act...